The Above the Law holiday party last Wednesday was a huge success. So I’ve been told. Apparently, my night ended at some diner on the LES with Marin telling the waitress I needed an IV of fluids. Or something like that. Also, if you have my cell phone, hat, left shoe, or Livescribe Echo Smartpen, please send it back.
The event was hosted by our friends at Practical Law Company and ELR Search. They were great partners to have for an event like this. There were many readers who came to the event, and once they found out that I was actually not that entertaining (and kind of a bastard) in person, PLC and ELR representatives were there to give our readers some information between their drinks. It was a win-win. Readers got value and free drinks from our partners, and — emboldened by libations — they got to give me a piece of their mind. Apparently I really piss a lot of you off; who knew?
Lat was there too, of course. But people are nice to him and he didn’t get hammered, so his memories are pleasant. But who wants to read about other people’s happiness? Let me tell you how things went down from my point of view….
The first hour or so I was surprisingly sober. I spent a lot of time talking to PLC and ELR people, and I was trying to not look like a raving alcoholic. That’s the thing about open bars. You can’t really take advantage unless you are willing to look like “the guy who takes advantage of open bars.” Eventually, though, the readers started showing up, and by then I was certainly willing to look like “the guy who needs open bars to deal with criticism.” Based on the first hour of the event, here are some things Above the Law readers really wanted/needed to know:
1) I do not have a GPS tracker installed in Kash’s head and therefore I do not get regular updates as to her whereabouts on my iPhone.
2) If given a choice between a free drink or a free appetizer, I will always choose the free drink (and it really shouldn’t be that surprising).
3) I will tell you my LSAT score if you meet me in person and ask. It is neither embarrassing nor overly impressive.
As the evening progressed, I learned something very important about ATL readers… a majority of you are able to pull very attractive dates out of your closet when you have to. Not saying that you guys and gals weren’t all attractive too, but man, your
escorts dates really were of the highest quality. Kudos.
By the middle of the event, all of the women of ATL had shown up, leading to my next set of things ATL readers apparently need to know.
1) I cannot get you a date with any woman who writes for ATL.
2) If I’m talking to a woman who writes for ATL during an ATL party, I’m not trying to c***block you, bro.
3) I’m really not in a position to share any information about the sexual preferences or traits of any of my female co-workers. I’m not keeping things from you; I just don’t know.
4) I can’t get you a date with David Lat either, but acting like I don’t know that’s what you’re angling for is silly and inefficient.
Are we clear on all of that? It’s really important.
As the open bar part of the party drew to a close (you know, roughly $100 before I’d be ready to call it night), I learned some final lessons about the ATL audience (at least in New York).
1) We have black friends!
2) I don’t think there is any community on earth more skilled at the backhanded compliment than ATL readers.
3) You guys should just lead off with your grammatical questions and criticisms. You’re going to give yourselves ulcers if you hold things in like that.
Anyway, thanks to everybody for coming. Sorry if I offended any of you. Now, on to the pictures…