Archive for December 2010

Legal Defense of the Day: New Car Smell Diminishes Your Capacity to Have A Soul

By Elie Mystal

You know the only thing worse than getting run over by some rich joker in a Mercedes-Benz? Getting run over by a rich joker in a Mercedes-Benz who gets a slap on the wrist because his Mercedes-Benz is a brand-new Mercedes-Benz.

Dr. Steven Milo knows that pain all too well. Our sister site, Dealbreaker, explains the situation:

Back in November, it was reported that last summer, Morgan Stanley financial adviser Martin Joel Erzinger… had driven over a doctor who was on his bike and then kept going, “until he reached a Pizza Hut parking lot, where he stopped and called Mercedes auto assistance to report the damage to his vehicle.”…

The part of the story that was somewhat more shocking was that rather than be slapped with serious to quite serious charges, a court decided that for his crime, MJE would be hit with two misdemeanor traffic violations and restitution to the victim. People were somewhat outraged, to say the least. But! That was prior to hearing all of Marty’s side of the story.

According to Erzinger’s defense lawyers, Erzinger suffers from sleep apnea, and that condition was exacerbated by the new car smell of his month-old Mercedes. And that all caused him to lose consciousness during the hit-and-run fiasco.

I knew having a new Mercedes was a status symbol; I didn’t know it was a designer drug…

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Thanks to This Week’s Advertisers

By Above the Law

Thanks to this week’s advertisers on Above the Law, who are putting gifts under our trees this holiday season:

If you’re interested in advertising on Above the Law or any other site in the Breaking Media network, please download our media kits, or email advertising@breakingmedia.com. Thanks!

I Suck at Law

By The People's Therapist

Ed. note: This post is by Will Meyerhofer, a former Sullivan & Cromwell attorney turned psychotherapist. He holds degrees from Harvard, NYU Law, and The Hunter College School of Social Work, and he blogs at The People’s Therapist. His new book, Life is a Brief Opportunity for Joy, is available on Amazon.

I uttered those words for the first time back in 2001, over lunch.

I wasn’t putting myself down; I was setting myself free. This was transgression – admitting the whole legal “thing” wasn’t for me. It’s what you’re never supposed to say, because it opens you up for slaughter. It’s throwing down your weapon, taking off the armor and walking away from the fight. (Go ahead – tear into me. I double-dare you.)

It was a weird lunch. I was sitting with another former associate from Sullivan & Cromwell. We weren’t friends. I actually sort of hated him. For two years he did his best to bad-mouth me and let everyone know he was a better lawyer.

Now he wanted to do lunch. That’s because he’d been laid off (you know, the “bad review” routine.) I’d left S&C six months before and done the impossible — gotten a real job outside law, as a marketing exec.

He said he wanted to discuss “careers outside the law.” Yeah. As soon as we sat down he started shooting the shit about our law firm days. No way.

I felt sorry for him. He had a fiance and was clearly a mess. But I wasn’t about to play along with that bullshit. I knew what would get his attention. When he paused from the stream of false bonhomie to catch his breath, I seized the opportunity.

“I suck at law.”

This produced a deer in the headlights face…

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A Look at New Partner Classes at Ten Top Firms (and an Open Thread)

By David Lat

Partnership: the proverbial brass ring.

‘Tis the season — for new partner elections at large law firms. Although there are some exceptions, most firms pick and announce their new partner classes around November and December, with partnership effective on January 1 of the following year.

These partnership announcements sometimes contain interesting information, if you read between the lines. As we’ve previously observed, “Partnership decisions often shed light on the current state of a firm, its prospects for the future, and its priorities. How many new partners did a firm make? How does the number of new partners this year compare to past years? In which practice areas did it make new partners? How many of the new partners are women or minorities?”

After the jump, we look at new partner news from ten top firms — perhaps you know some of these law firm superstars (and soon-to-be millionaires)? — and we invite you to discuss the new partners at your firm….

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Morning Docket: 12.15.10

By Morning Dockette

* With the way that David J. Stern is screwing Florida, it looks like he forgot to buy some integrity with his robo-bucks. [Daily Business Review]

* If Phil Spector wins this lawsuit against Robert Shapiro, he could probably afford to get a new hairstyle. [Beverly Hills Courier]

* Is Verrill Dana a haven for shady shysters? Watching porn and stealing funds is fun until you get caught. [Portland Press Herald]

* Only in New Jersey can a disbarred lawyer steal from a nun. Talk about an ethics violation. [Daily Record]

* A judge spared actor Rip Torn from a jail sentence, and his sphincter from sharing the same namesake. [New York Post]

* This Bud’s not for you. The King of Piss Water’s Beer’s sponsorship is on the line for MLB in this lawsuit. [Wall Street Journal]

Unemployed Lawyers and Law Students: Is Your Résumé Why You Don’t Have A Job?

By Ami Cholia

So lawyers, if you’ve recently been laid off or have been out of school for over a year without a job, it’s probably time to look at your résumé and take out any reference to the fact that you’re, you know, “dynamic.”

Sure, you might be. But so is everyone else. And, more importantly, nobody cares anyway.

LinkedIn’s analytics team reviewed 85 million LinkedIn profiles and came out with a list of the most “clichéd and overused” phrases found on people’s resumes.

As they succinctly say, “You know what they are — those ambiguous ones that really don’t tell you anything.”

Here are the 2010 top 10 buzzwords used in the U.S., according to them….

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Non-Sequiturs: 12.14.10

By Elie Mystal

I bet kosher weed would be better than regular weed.

* Judge Henry Hudson, the judge who struck down healthcare, has ties to a Republican consulting firm that did some work for Virginia AG Ken Cuccinelli. Of course he does. You don’t think this issue has an objective right or wrong legal answer, do you? [WSJ Law Blog]

* A Cardozo student thinks pot can be a useful study aid. [The Cardozo Jurist]

* Of course, it looks like Cardozo students already have ample access to weed. This pro-job video was but together by a ’10 Cardozo graduate. [Comedy Central]

* British judge calls verdict against her dog a “f***ing travesty.” [Guardian]

* Doesn’t looking at the Constitution on an iPad violate an originalist view of the document? [Young Lawyers Blog]

* People didn’t like lawyers even back in 1906. [Ross Fishman's Marketing Blog]

* German doctors claim they’ve used stem cells to cure H.I.V. This isn’t exactly a legal issue, but I really hope Congress won’t let religion stand in the way of the science I’ll need for new lungs and a new liver circa 2040. [Popular Science]

* Don’t forget to RSVP for our holiday party — tomorrow night at 6:00 at Bar 29. Our sponsors, Practical Law Company and ELR Search, promise us it will be off the hook. And I’ve promised to stay sober for at least one full hour before I start berating the people around me. [Above the Law]

* Speaking of our sponsors, check out our promo for the Livescribe Echo Smartpen if you are doing some Christmas shopping for a lawyer in your life. Also, I AM NOT KENAN THOMPSON. What’s up with that? Yes, we are both fat black guys, but I’m actually funny, not some random dude who can only do impressions of black people who haven’t been relevant in 20 years.

Above the Law Is 1 for 2 at Helping Would-Be Lawyers Do the Right Thing

By Elie Mystal

And we might have had a perfect score if it not for that pesky God character floating around.

In the past few weeks, we’ve brought you two stories about would-be lawyers trying to make critical life decisions. There was the first-year law student who was considering dropping out of law school after just one semester. And there was the prospective law student who wanted to take the LSAT instead of attending his grandmother’s funeral.

In the former case, the Above the Law readership overwhelmingly voted for the 1L to drop out of law school. In the later case, I strenuously argued that the person should go to the funeral and take the LSAT later.

We have updates on both people. It appears that Above the Law readers are more persuasive than I am…

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Comment of the Day: Gavel Bang, Indeed

By David Lat

Yesterday we posted a racy email recounting a male associate’s supposed one-night stand with a female partner. The general consensus was that the story was fiction.

Here’s more support for that view, from our Comment of the Day….

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U.S. News to Disclose ALL the Job Info It Collects: But Let’s Not Lick Each Other’s Popsicles Just Yet.

By Elie Mystal

Last week, the people at the Law School Transparency project scored a major victory. They got U.S. News to agree to disclose all of the employment information the magazine collects about law schools, with the release of next year’s influential rankings.

According to stories around the blogosphere, U.S. News rankings guru Robert Morse is even giving the LST people credit for pushing the magazine in this direction. U.S. News, mind you, has more power over law schools than the freaking American Bar Association — but it was influenced by two young guys from Vanderbilt. Check out coverage from the ABA Journal, the WSJ Law Blog, and the National Law Journal (subscription). Major kudos to Team LST!

The changes are good, but they’re not the Holy Grail of law school transparency. U.S. News won’t be collecting any additional information. Schools will still be able to materially misrepresent some of their crucial employment statistics, and U.S. News is not increasing the weight given to outcome-oriented metrics in its rankings methodology.

It’s definitely progress, but as long as the ABA refuses to wield its regulatory power, there’s only so much a magazine can do…

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Career Center Survey Results: Top Partners to Work For – California (Part 1)

By Above the Law

Deborah Cussen, of Gibson Dunn, and Carla Feldman, of Morgan Lewis.

Welcome to the third installment of our Top Partners to Work For series, as selected by our readers (see last week’s posts here and here). In the first two weeks, we covered New York and D.C.; this week, we head west, and cruise on over to sunny California.

The ten partners we highlight today work at some of the country’s leading law firms: Kirkland & Ellis, Morrison & Foerster, Gibson Dunn, Latham & Watkins, Munger Tolles, Wilson Sonsini, Morgan Lewis, Baker & McKenzie, Bryan Cave, and Jones Day.

So, which West Coast partners do associates enjoy working for?

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Associate Bonus Watch: Clifford Chance Matches Cravath

By Elie Mystal

The bonus news is coming fast and furious now. I guess a lot of Biglaw firms want people to think of Cahill as a “boutique” type of firm like Susman Godfrey instead of a Biglaw competitor who simply saw Cravath’s bonus payout and smashed it.

The latest news is from international powerhouse Clifford Chance. Its New York bonus memo just went out, and it is a straight match of the Cravath scale…

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Associate Bonus Watch: Cadwalader

By David Lat

Just like last year, we’re late in covering the bonus announcement of Cadwalader, Wickersham & Taft, which apparently happened a few days after the Cravath announcement. But just like last year, the Cadwalader bonus news is nothing to write home about.

We haven’t seen the memo — please feel free to send it our way — but multiple sources advise us that Cadwalader basically matched Cravath. We say “basically” because there was an hours requirement, which we understand was essentially the same as last year’s (i.e., around 2000 hours, 1900 of them billable).

If you have additional information or background about bonuses at CWT this year, we’re all ears.

Earlier: Associate Bonus Watch 2009: Cadwalader (Plus news of some partner moves.)

Nixon Peabody Management Shuffle

By Elie Mystal

Nixon Peabody has suffered a series of partner defections over the last year. Last month, we reported that a number of partners at Nixon were preparing for a mass exodus from the firm.

According to our Nixon Peabody sources, the disgruntled partners wanted one thing: managing partner Richard Langan’s head on a plate. From our original story: “Our sources have also offered up a lot of speculation about why these partners want out, and the message is that they feel like Langan is ‘ruining’ the culture of the firm.”

Apparently, these partners are getting their wish. Richard Langan is out as managing partner. Taking his place is Andrew Glincher, who has been the managing partner of Nixon’s Boston office.

So did the mutinous partners win? According to a Nixon spokesperson, Langan’s ouster is all part of Nixon’s regularly scheduled programming…

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Morning Docket: 12.14.10

By Morning Dockette

* A lawyer named Conn created a 3D commercial for potential clients. Too bad his target audience will be purchasing new hips before 3D televisions. [Florida Times-Union]

* Normally, you’d end up in the doghouse if you didn’t attend a loved one’s funeral, but Bernie Madoff’s throwing his family a bone on this one. [DealBook / New York Times]

* “And then I felt a sharp jabbing pain into my rectum.” That’s what she said. Actually, that’s what he said. What’s with the NYPD and sodomy? [Wall Street Journal]

* Another day, another “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” lawsuit. Yes, I just totally dropped a DADT bomb after a story about sodomy. I went there, that happened. [Washington Post]

* You’d think that the Calorie Commando would hire some healthier hobos to kill his wife, but these guys just wanted pizza, beer, and tequila. [CNN]

* You better not question Rahmbo’s amended 2009 tax return. He will f**king end you. You will never even see it coming, motherf**ker. [NBC Chicago]

Kudos to Maryland Law for Protecting Its Students from Tuition Increases

By David Lat

Next month I’ll be appearing on a panel at the annual meeting of the Association of American Law Schools. The subject of the panel: how to get good press for your law school.

One obvious answer: do good things for your students. Just like the University of Maryland School of Law.

Our coverage of UMB hasn’t always been kind. See, e.g., discussion of former Dean Karen Rothenberg’s controversial pay packages (here and here).

This time, though, Maryland Law is doing the right thing. In a time of strained state budgets, it has succeeded in holding the line on tuition increases (which, as we’ve discussed, are running rampant throughout the law schools). UMB law students won’t see their tuition go up next year, academic year 2011-12, even though students in other schools at the university will.

How did Maryland manage this feat? Let’s take a look — which might prove instructive for other law schools….

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Non-Sequiturs: 12.13.10

By David Lat

* Bad news for Howrey: Gary Bendinger, co-chair of litigation, is leaving for Sidley Austin, along with two other litigation partners, Gregory Ballard and Kevin Burke. [Am Law Daily]

* Richard Epstein and Megan McArdle on today’s judicial smackdown of Obamacare. [Instapundit]

* Quipped our tipster: “Three cheers to annoying psychology undergrads getting mugged in West Harlem. At least Dino BBQ is here to stay.” [Columbia Spectator]

* Just like last year, there’s some humorous motion practice going on as a result of Auburn college football scheduling. [Birmingham News]

* My pay during my AUSA days wasn’t great — but at least it was greater than zero. [S**t Law Jobs]

* It’s not too late to submit an entry for our law firm holiday card contest. [Above the Law]

* Or to RSVP for our holiday party (although we’re almost at capacity). [Above the Law]

Congrats to Brandy Kuentzel, Laid-Off Kirkland Lawyer Turned Apprentice Winner

By David Lat

Brandy Kuentzel, laid-off K&E lawyer turned reality TV star.

Apologies for this very belated coverage of the season finale of The Apprentice, which aired last week. Alas, no member of Team ATL — not even Marin, our resident reality TV addict — actually watched the show. The final episode was a bit like the proverbial tree falling in the forest without anyone around to hear it.

But it seems numerous ATL readers tuned in, even though ratings for the show are down 75 percent since the premiere season. So here’s a post, triggered by your many email pleas for coverage.

We extend warm congratulations to Brandy Kuentzel, the Chicago Law alumna and laid-off Kirkland & Ellis associate who emerged victorious in the reality TV competition. In the finale, Kuentzel defeated a fellow lawyer, Clint — a 40-year-old SMU Law grad described in his NBC bio as “living off of credit” — for the opportunity to work for Donald Trump.

One Brandy fan gave us some background on her: “She went to University of Chicago, started at Kirkland SF as transactional associate. After she got laid off, she started a mobile truck cupcake business.” (Digression: Why is driving a cupcake truck such a popular fallback option for lawyers? See also Kate Carrara, of Philadelphia, and Lev Ekster, of New York.)

Continued our tipster: “Brandy has an insane background story. She’s from Alaska, and moved out at an early age to self-finance her education, after graduating as valedictorian of her high school. Oh, and she is insanely hot. Google her.”

As you can see from her photo, Brandy is most definitely a hottie. But, interestingly enough, Brandy Kuentzel wasn’t quite as smoking hot back in her law firm days….

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Quote of the Day: Uh, We Didn’t Learn About the ‘Real World’ at Yale

By David Lat

There are plenty of attorneys in the major city offices who are not putting in enough hours and would love to be doing doc review versus the threat of being asked to look for another job. Wake up to what is happening out there in the real world!

— Ann Israel, in her advice column on NYLawyer.com (subscription), to a Yale Law School graduate and current federal law clerk seeking advice on how to get out of document review when she goes to a law firm after her clerkship (gavel bang: ABA Journal).

Inside Straight: Business Development (Part 2)

By Mark Herrmann

Ed. note: This is the latest installment of Inside Straight, Above the Law’s new column for in-house counsel, written by Mark Herrmann.

This post is a two-fer: It both suggests a way for outside lawyers to develop business more effectively and offers a tip to in-house counsel to protect their legal departments. (I bet you can hardly wait.)

First, the business development tip.

Outside lawyers often ask whether in-house lawyers are annoyed or impressed by the brochures that firms mail (or e-mail) to clients and prospective clients. I, at least, am not annoyed to receive those things. It’s awfully easy to delete things unread, so they don’t exactly impose a burden on me.

But am I impressed by the brochures? Obviously not; that’s why I now typically delete them unread.

What’s unimpressive about the brochures? Let me count the things….

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