Let’s face it: the best thing about dying is that you
are reunited with your loved ones on a puffy cloud get to control people from beyond the grave. I don’t look forward to dying, but the one thing that brings me comfort is knowing that my funeral playlist will be epic, as I’ve taken the liberty of including it in my will (Thong Song, Pour Some Sugar on Me, Red Red Wine, Mambo #5, etc.).
Elizabeth Edwards, who died on December 7th after losing her battle with breast cancer, didn’t exactly pull a Leona Helmsley, screw her children and leave nearly everything to her dog. But she did exact revenge on her cheating, megalomaniac estranged husband:
Elizabeth Edwards left everything to her children, with no mention of her estranged husband, John Edwards, in her will.
“All of my furniture, furnishings, household goods, jewelry, china, silverware and personal effects and any automobiles … to be divided among them …” Edwards says in the document dated December 1.
Yowza. Not even an “I acknowledge my husband, John Edwards, whom I intentionally omit from this will” put in for good measure. In the words of MTV’s best dating show: John, You Are Dismissed…
It’s not totally surprising that Elizabeth would cut John out of her will, given that he is a) a true bastard and b) they were legally separated at the time of her death. But what’s curious is that the will was executed on December 1st – just six days before she died. Given her protracted illness, Elizabeth undoubtedly had another will in place before this last one. The last minute execution suggests that the will that she revoked differed significantly from the one she ultimately signed, especially since her new will is so simple and straightforward. Something must have happened (or not happened) close to her death that made her revoke her previous will. And it’s entirely possible that John, seated at Elizabeth’s deathbed like some smug relative out of Gianni Schicchi, had absolutely no idea.
Maybe I’m just being a conspiracy theorist. Maybe she revoked her will to change something benign, like her alternate executor. But the timing just seems…suspicious. If John was indeed blindsighted by the will, it would be a glorious, final f*ck you from a woman who got royally screwed over by both her husband and cancer. Dying sucks. John’s reaction: priceless?