I’m not going to lie: I love Taco Bell. It’s my favorite fast food. One of the most consistently annoying aspects of my life is that I’ve never lived near a Taco Bell. I always have to go out of my way to get it.

Now, generally my wife and I learn how to cook things that we like but don’t have easy access to. I can turn my kitchen into a lobster holocaust zone. We buy beef and grind it ourselves to make Shake Shack burgers. I’ve even once had a chef from a restaurant in Vegas email me a recipe of a dish I particularly enjoyed.

But I’ve never, ever come close to recreating the taste of a Taco Bell taco. Oh, I can make tacos, and they are tasty, but I can’t get the Taco Bell thing right.

Now I know why. I’m using real beef. Taco Bell is apparently using… something else…

A class-action lawsuit was filed in Alabama by the law firm Beasley Allen. The complaint accuses Taco Bell of misleading the public by claiming to have “beef” in its food. Here’s the heart of the complaint (the full complaint is available via WTOL in Alabama Toledo):

And:

Where’s the beef? Well, what did you expect for 89 cents a taco? Taco Bell is why even homeless Americans don’t starve to death. I’m just happy the complaint claims Taco Bell is using “isolated oat product” as opposed to urban roadkill meat.

In any event, I’m no expert on this “beef” versus “taco filling” debate. But this is the rare complaint that also contains evidence. The complaint claims that Taco Bell internally refers to its stuff as “taco filling,” as evidenced by the containers their stuff comes in:

Haha… busted. Nice work, Beasley Allen.

Does this lawsuit make you want to 'drop the chalupa'?

But count me as one customer who doesn’t really care what’s in the fillings. Whatever it is, it’s not people. It doesn’t give you Ebola. I put all kinds of crap into my body; most of it doesn’t taste as good and most of it is more expensive. The cigarette I’m smoking right now is more expensive than a Taco Bell taco, and it’s going to give me cancer.

You get what you pay for. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get myself a crunchy anti-dusting-agent-and-cheese treat.

P.S. Commenters, everybody is thinking of the same five fat jokes. Do yourselves a favor and actually take a second to construct yours. “Taco Bell franchises are legally required to be at least a mile away from Elie at all times for the safety of its workers” > “Elie’s fat and eats tacos.”

When is beef not beef? Ala. law firm sues Taco Bell [WTOL]


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