Well, I think we are officially at the point in the legal economy where servicing law school debts is just like servicing an expensive drug habit. The parallels between the two are too great to ignore:
- Is it something you started because everybody else was doing it?
- Is it something you initially thought was a harmless way to kill some time?
- Did somebody make wild claims about how “great” it would be for you to try it?
- Do you find yourself whoring yourself out in order to make money for it?
In the J.D. context, we usually think of “whoring” as a figurative state. But not for much longer.
We already know that many strippers do what they do in order to get money for their drugs. Now, through the wonders of Craigslist, we’re about to see strippers baring all in order to get money for their educational debts.
Sallie Mae might be just a lending institution now, but she dreams of becoming a madam…
All you need to know about what it’s like for recent law school graduates is contained in this Craigslist ad (in case it has been removed, there’s a screencap at the end of this post):
$$$ Female Attorneys Wanted $$$ (Midtown)
Date: 2011-01-31, 2:03PM EST
NOT MAKING ENOUGH $$$ AT YOUR DAY JOB? NOT HAVING FUN WHILE YOU’RE WORKING? EARN THOUSANDS WEEKLY WORKING A FEW HOURS A NIGHT GIVING LAP DANCES AND LEGAL ADVICE FOR UPSCALE GENTLEMAN’S CLUB LOCATED IN TIME SQUARE.
SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY. ATTACH PHOTO AND BIO. PLEASE CONTACT JAIME
* Compensation: $$$
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
How many ladies out there thought that getting a J.D. would keep them off the pole? How many fathers encouraged their daughters to go to law school to avoid this very fate? Now, well, they might as well be handing out clear heels and thongs at commencement ceremonies. Professors who teach jobless 3Ls should just start calling people by their stripper names to get them used to it: “Porsche, can you tell us if there is a reasonable expectation of privacy inside the champagne room? Or is that outside the penumbras and emanations of the Fourth and Fourteenth Amendments?”
Hey, you got to do what you got to do to pay your bills. It’s better than begging for the money on eBay. And who knows, you might find the “shady strip club patron with the heart of gold” and end up eloping to Mexico.
But I will say this: if you are a lady who is hot enough and willing to strip but haven’t been able to “charm” an aged hiring partner locked in a passionless marriage into giving you a job, then you really need to examine your motives.
Meanwhile, this Craigslist ad figuratively screams another question: WHO THE F**K TAKES LEGAL ADVICE FROM STRIPPERS? Christ on the holy pole, what kind of person goes into a strip club and says, “Can I get a lap dance, also, do you know if I can deduct my truck as a business expense?” Really, the fact that there are probably some dudes who would take legal advice from a stripper illustrates why it is so difficult to get well-paid legal jobs in this market. “I freaking hate lawyers, they’re always trying to shaft you. I’m sure that Candy at the club can tell me how to reduce my alimony payments.”
And that doesn’t even get into the issue of trying to sit down and relax and having somebody coming up to you to talk about your tort liability during a snowstorm. I mean, who goes to the strip club looking for intelligent conversation? Isn’t that what girlfriends and wives are for? Has anybody ever sat at a strip club and thought, “Man, what a rack on her. If only she had an opinion on whether I should take ADR or roll the dice at trial, I’d totally stuff money down her G-string.”
All that said, I know a lot of our unemployed male readers would gladly take off their clothes and dance around for a little extra cash. Sadly, it seems women are too smart to need legal advice from the crew at Thunder Down Under. Gents, if you’re annoyed that ladies have an unfair extra employment advantage, I suggest you STFU and learn how to chop wood, break rocks, have gay sex on camera, or engage in some other activity traditionally associated with men who need extra money.
This whole thing reminds me of a new stat we need the Law School Transparency guys to try to get out of law schools: percentage of graduates currently employed as sexual entertainers. Hey, this might be one stat that helps law schools. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who would love to supercharge their exotic-dancing careers with a J.D.