You know an email has gone viral when we get unsolicited emails asking us to not post something we just received from a bunch of people all at the same time. Let’s hope Wake Forest School of Law is ready for its closeup.

Someone — claiming to be a Wake Forest law student, and calling himself or herself “Wes Law” — apparently woke up this morning with a bug up the ass. The object of pain was apparently the law librarians at Wake Law. And so the supposed student asked a rhetorical question: “Is there someone who can please explain why do we even have librarians at this law school anymore, and to what purpose they serve?”

What followed was a tirade against the services provided by the librarians, naming names in a flurry of accusations and insults. The entire campus is talking about it, with a few people even trying to answer the question.

I’ve never been to Wake Forest, so I’ll have to answer his question with my own rhetorical question: U mad, bro?

Now, as a guy who gets paid to get really pissed off about things and then write about it, I get where this person is coming from. Still, it seems like this kid went off the blood pressure medication or something. After starting with some triviality about legal writing, the email gets really personal (we’ve redacted and replaced the names of the law librarians):

Try and find them in the morning. I have often asked [MRS. MATRON] when she expects [MS. STACKED] in and the best she can do is to raise her hands and shrug her shoulders, indicating she has no idea. The sign says 10:00, its 10:15, and do we know where are librarians are? NO WE DON’T.

[MRS. BLOODY MARY] must have a sweet heart deal as she closes here [sic] door several times each day, I guess to take a nap and then leaves well before 5:00. [MS. STACKED] doesn’t shut herself in, but leaves for extended periods of the day, often two to three hours. She often stays later, but what does she do? Looking at her computer screen though the window, you can see she shops on eBay, she shops elsewhere, but try and get her to help you, forget it. Dealing with students must be beneath her. Well, that is try and get her to help you if you are a girl. If you a member of the male species she will gladly swivel her hips and sachet [sic] her way to the desk, then flit and flirt while trying to listen to what you are asking. Just watch her, it is hysterical. Does she honestly think she can find someone to date among the students at the law school?

(Is she hot? Should she have been a competitor in our Law Librarian Hotties contest? Could she have defeated our winner?)

Really though, who elected Wes Law as the lord (or lady) of all law librarians? Why is this person spending all their time worrying about how other people do (or don’t do) their jobs? Doesn’t Wes Law have a case that needs to be briefed?

We have one librarian that has left, and two librarians, that at best work on a part time basis. The best use of the law school’s salary dollars would be to fire the two unwilling to work librarians, and hire one full time librarian that is willing to work on a full time basis. Remove them from the LRW classroom, and engrain [sic] some customer service attitudes in to the one we hire. Seriously, I wish the dean’s office would survey the students about the effectiveness of the librarians in the classroom.

“Engrain”? Again? Is Successful Troll writing this stuff?

While we leave for spring break, I strongly suggest [MS. STACKED] and [MRS. BLOODY MARY] do some soul searching and ask themselves if are ready, willing and able to work a full day as defined by the university’s policies? Realizing of course, as high paid professionals you may have to work some over time. Of course given you [sic] poor work habits you have already stolen thousands of dollars from the law school. Perhaps a generous donation to the scholarship fund would be in order to pay us back. Are you ready, willing and able to exhibit a customer friendly behavior towards the library’s patrons? If [MS. STACKED] and [MRS. BLOODY MARY] are willing to change their deviant behavior, then we should she [sic] them here with smiling faces at 8:30 a.m. on Monday when we return, otherwise we should see a help wanted sign on the front door and their offices empty. I hope for the later. If these two are still around, they need to be on a time card. Clock in when you work, clock out when you take a nap, or stroll around campus or shop on eBay. These two have proven they can not be trusted.

Somebody cue the Sarah McLachlan music:

It’s so sad, so tragic, when a disgruntled law student starts kicking around support personnel simply because there is nowhere else for the rage to go. Look at these poor library servants. Maybe they weren’t perfect, but nobody deserves to be publicly humiliated like this because some kid wishes he had gone to UNC or Duke. Look at this email, legal employers. For just $160,000 a year you can save other Wake Forest librarians from feeling the wrath of pissed-off law students who realize too late their financial mistake in going to law school.

But the kid’s not done. No, the entire concept of a law library also pisses off Wes Law:

[W]hy do we have such a big library anyway, when half of the shelves are empty, most of what we access in [sic] online and available through the web. If it wasn’t for my carrel I would never half [sic] to set foot in it. Move the entire contents of the library, the one remaining librarian and the few books that must remain to basement and address all of the outstanding needs for study space, an eating establishment, a computer lab with computers, and a student center. How long before librarians become obsolete? Maybe they already have.

See, that right there proves this kid is just trying to bully around support personnel because they are in a position of perceived weakness. Everybody knows why Wake has such a big library. It’s called U.S. News and World Report. You want to make fun of something? You want to question the relevance and utility of something? You want to mock something? Well then, go after the elephant in the room. These law librarians have nothing to do with why this kid is spending money and not getting the kind of service he or she expected. Wes Law is effectively yelling at the bank teller because the bank manager refused to give out a loan.

If you want to bitch at somebody, complain about the decision makers, not the freaking library workers.

Unless of course this whole thing was just an elaborate plot to get the librarians fired so that Wake Forest might hire Wes Law for a job after graduation. If that’s the case… well-played, Mr. or Ms. Law.

Earlier: Law Librarian Hotties: Your Female Nominees
Law Librarian Hotties: Your Male Nominees
Law Librarian Hotties: The Winners!!!


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