* LiLo was sentenced to 4 months behind bars and 480 hours of community service in a morgue. I guess the morgue is fitting, since this might be the final nail in her acting career’s coffin. [Reuters]
* The Winklevii didn’t take kindly to being told to STFU and GTFO, so they found some new evidence to totally pwn Mark Zuckerberg. [USA Today]
* In Virginia v. Jesus, a public defender convinced holy rollers to spare JHC from the death penalty. Way to negate your own holiday, guys. [CNN]
How LexisNexis State Net Uses Gen AI To Tame Gov’t Data
Its new features transform how you can track and analyze the more than 200,000 bills, regulations, and other measures set to be introduced this year.
* Don’t haze me, bro! A would-be frat brother from Hartwick College is suing over his sore tushie. Former sorostitute pro-tip: it wouldn’t have hurt so badly if you drank more. [New York Daily News]
* Oh, come on, $99.99 is a completely reasonable price for a wagon of smurfberries. It isn’t Apple’s fault that your children aren’t natural-born economists. [Philadelphia Inquirer]
* Apparently, you can be arrested in Michigan for speech crimes you haven’t committed yet, but only if your message sucks. What is this, Minority Report? [Wall Street Journal]
* Richard G. Mintz, name partner at Mintz Levin, R.I.P. [Boston Globe]