Ed. note: This is the latest installment of Size Matters, one of Above the Law’s new columns for small-firm lawyers.

I recently saw the Whoopi Goldberg commercial for Poise and I wondered to myself, why would she take part in such an ad. Maybe I am missing something, but I think it is a bad thing that we all now know that Whoopi leaks and uses an adult diaper. I know they say that there is no such thing as bad publicity, but come on.

Thanks to a reader, I was introduced to another advertisement (of sorts) that caused me pause. It is the website of New York criminal lawyer Giovanni Rosania. I think it might even be worse than Whoopi’s admission of leaking.

Find out why it is so bad after the jump….

I am trying to organize my thoughts about the many problems with this website, but I am overcome by a desire to rock out to these sweet club beats. Ok, I am ready now.

Problem No. 1: the opening image.

I beg to differ with Rosania’s claim that he is a “private lawyer” with a “professional approach,” judging by that image of a headless gentleman adjusting his tie. I think this image would be more appropriate for the website of a hit man or a stripper (at least the “before” image). And, Rosania, you seem to have rather small hands. You may want to consider a hand model.

Problem No. 2: the motto.

According to Rosania’s bio, his motto is “All Crime, All the Time!!!” Call me old-fashioned, but I do not think lawyers’ mottos should read like a jingle. Come to think of it, I do not think lawyers should have mottos. Let’s leave that to coaches and car salesman. Also, the three exclamation points seem a little over the top. Rosania, I do not think you should be so jazzed up about crime.

Problem No. 3: the random models.

There are pictures of random models throughout the website: the couple looking to the sky under the “Bio” tab, the guy who is praying under the “Legal Links” tab, the worried broad under the “Testimonials” tab, and the various people from 1992 under the “Services” tab. Who are these people? Clients? Rosania? People doing crime “all the time!!!”? It is unclear.

Problem No. 4: the Henry David Thoreau Quote.

Under the “Services” tab, Rosania quotes Henry David Thoreau. The quote reads as follows:

“The lawyer’s truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency.”

Hmm, that seems like a bad thing to me. I would think that Rosania would want his clients to believe that his truth is, well, Truth. He should stick to quotes that are more all-crimey-all-the-timey. I am sure there is a gem from some episode of Law and Order just perfect for this website.

Rosania, if you want to talk in more detail about my edits to your website, I am always available to talk, help you adjust or tie, or dance to the choice beats on the website.

Thanks to my reader who introduced me to Rosania. Keep the websites coming!


When not writing about small law firms for Above the Law, Valerie Katz (not her real name) works at a small firm in Chicago. You can reach her by email at Valerie.L.Katz@gmail.com and follow her on Twitter at @ValerieLKatz.


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