Lawsuit of the Day, Masturbation, Sex

Lawsuit of the Day: Woman Allowed To Relieve Pressures Via Masturbation At Work

Are we good if this is my default photo for anything involving Brazil?

UPDATE (5:30 PM): Please note that the veracity of this story has been called into question. For more, see the note at the end of this post. (Or ignore the note and pretend that the story is real; life’s more fun that way.)

Fair warning: I will not succeed in writing this post like an adult.

A Brazilian woman who in the past needed to masturbate up to 47 times a day has won the right to masturbate at work. The woman suffers from severe anxiety and “hypersexuality,” which is apparently a real thing and not just as something that’s been invented for the porn industry.

Excuse me, I need a minute to ask God why I don’t get to work with the Brazilian nympho woman who has to masturbate at work…

Did I mention that she’s also allowed to watch porn at work? Here’s the story, from Guanabee (via Going Concern):

Ana Catarian Bezerra is a 36-year-old Brazilian woman who suffers from a chemical imbalance that triggers severe anxiety and hypersexuality. Ana, an accountant by day, began to have problems at work because the only way to relieve said anxiety is by masturbating. A lot. Now, after winning a court battle and seeking professional medical help, Ana is allowed to masturbate and watch porn — using her work’s computer, no less — legally.

The porn thing seems a little strange to me. I mean, if she’s actually a real, technical nympho, does she really need porn to help her get off?

Not that I’m doubting her story. This is definitely the kind of thing where I don’t think you’d say you had this problem unless you did:

[I]magine an office full of of scandalized and perverted stares as you exit the bathroom or bend down to pick up a pencil — awkward? Very. Also, as a woman, having a bunch of men knowing you’re a clinical nympho probably doesn’t help deter unwanted sexual advances.

Dude, it’s not perverted when you look at a known nympho and wonder what she was just doing in the bathroom.

In any event, it does sound like a hellish existence Ana Catarian Bezerra, a difficult existence for her co-workers that don’t want to be labeled as perverts, and a wonderful new existence for the many men who will now try to get a special dispensation to watch porn at work.

I’m assuming most of the ladies are already able to rub one out discretely without making a federal case out of it.

UPDATE (5:30 PM): A commenter claims that the story is a hoax. I’m hoping he’s right; it would make me feel less crappy about my boring life.

Brazilian Woman Wins Right To Masturbate At Work [Guanabee]
Brazilian Accountant Wins the Right to Watch Porn, Masturbate at Work [Going Concern]

(hidden for your protection)

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