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Lawyer Needed For Intimidation Only

Well now, here’s an interesting job opportunity for a young lawyer. You don’t have to review documents or research law. You don’t have to appear in court or file papers. You don’t even have to file a bunch of responses and answers.

All you have to is use fancy legalese to scare the heck out of somebody.

You can do that, can’t you? Isn’t intimidating laypeople with “the law” the one thing we all learn in law school?

Here’s the job listing from something called O Desk:

So often, this is the job of a practicing attorney. Not high rhetoric and grand argument. Not finding some relevant case in a long forgotten tome. So often, lawyering devolves to intimidating somebody who knows nothing about the law — or explaining to a client how to deal with the intimidation coming from opposing counsel.

Assuming that the person you are intimidating has no legal training, it’s really not hard. If you’ve never had a gun pointed in your face, and a mobster points a gun in your face, you’re going to be scared. And pretty much any J.D. holder can throw around legalese the same way a two-bit thug can wield a weapon. It’s not hard.

Just make sure you don’t come up against somebody who actually has had some legal training or experience. You don’t want to end up like Tim Roth in Pulp Fiction. You don’t want this painter’s lawyer/friend screaming, “if you give this nimrod $2,000 I’ll sue him on general principle.”

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