Crime, Holidays and Seasons, Police, Sex, Sex Scandals, Sports

The Heat Isn't An Excuse For Sexing It Up In A Public Pool

Yes, it's hot out there, but please try to control yourself. Don't engage in the behavior that this Indiana police officer stands accused of.

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I know it’s hot. It’s ridiculously hot. All of my heat wave jokes have melted. The only thing I believe a creator intelligently designed was the air conditioner.

If you don’t have air conditioning in your home, there are many public places you can go to in order to cool off. You could take in a nice movie — I suggest Night At The Museum At A Zoo With A Fat Guy. Or you could go to a public pool.

You just can’t have sex in the public pool. I know that for most people that goes without saying, but apparently cops in Indiana need things spelled out for them….

Yeah, you heard me right. I said “cops” in Indiana. The allegations are up on FindLaw:

Myron Helms is a reserve officer with the Laurel Police Department. Now, to add to his list of accomplishments, he has been arrested for having sex with a woman in a public pool in Connersville, Indiana.

Apparently, Helms and his lovebird (identified as Victoria Cross, 40) were having some adult play time at the Roberts Park Family Aquatic Center, reports WLWT-TV.

Note that the public pool facility has the word “family” in it. Ironic, considering their behavior in the pool was nowhere near something that can be considered family-friendly.

Well, where do you think “families” come from? The most family-friendly thing you can do is have sex.

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Of course, it takes a while before children are comfortable with seeing how they were made:

Witnesses, including children, were there to view the provocative show.

The manager went over to tell the pair to stop their lovemaking. At that point, Cross moved away from Helms, and the manager could see Helms’ “private area,” The Daily Mail reports.

Police were called, and Helms and Cross were given no-trespass orders. These orders would have essentially barred the two from returning to pool property.

Responding police said that the people near the pool were “visibly disturbed by the incident.”

To me, these allegations sound like classic small-town cop, “I’m above the law” behavior. But the solution is probably to pay our local law enforcement officers enough so that they can purchase home air conditioners.

That’s the natural way of having sex and staying cool at the same time.

Indiana Police Officer Has Sex in City Pool While Children Watch [FindLaw]

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