It’s hard to say which of these (non-lawyer) wedding write-ups is more cliché-ridden: the one about the two lesbian PE teachers, or the one about the peace activists who keep their income below a taxable level so they don’t give money to the Pentagon. The latter pair are way too busy rummaging through dumpsters to read the Internet, so we feel zero guilt about exposing them to ridicule in the comments. There’s certainly a lot of ridiculous material there.

But on to the lawyer weddings: still ridiculous, but in a different way. Your finalist couples:

Kathleen Cassidy and Ian Shapiro

Nina Yadava and Travis Davis

Emily Feinstein and Eric Olney

Aliya McLendon and Aaron Horne Jr.

Rebecca Krauss and Benjamin Taibleson

This is a summer mega-LEWW, with five finalists and a loooooong list of also-rans at the end. Read on for a virtual nuptial feast….

Kathleen Cassidy and Ian Shapiro
(Buy them a gravy separator.)

The Case:
- All Ivy, peeps: Yale/Columbia for the bride; Yale/Harvard for the groom. (But we highly doubt they met at Yale. See below.)
- Kathleen is starting a new job as an associate at Hafetz Necheles & Rocco. Ian’s a partner at Cooley.

The Case Against:
- Until recently, Kathleen was an associate at Cooley. Partner, associate, nine-year age difference:  We’re imagining a deliciously sordid backstory for this naughty pair. And actually, that’s not a strike against them at all!

Nina Yadava and Travis Davis
(Buy them a printer.)

The Case:
- This two-JD couple met during law school at Columbia. For undergrad, she was cum laude at Tufts; he graduated from the University of Washington.
- She’s at Jones Day doing securities litigation. He does corporate work at Gibson Dunn.

The Case Against:
- Gibson’s website continues to look like it was designed in 1752 by Benjamin Franklin.

Emily Feinstein and Eric Olney
(Buy them a seder plate.)

The Case:
- Good grief, more Columbia Law. That’s where the groom, a cum laude Harvard graduate, received his JD. The bride is Brown/NYU.
- Emily works as an associate director at Columbia’s Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse.; Eric is an associate at Macht, Shapiro, Arato & Isserles — and looks way hotter on his firm bio. You should never, ever take those glasses off, Eric!

The Case Against:
- It’s ironic that the bride works on drug policy, because in this particular picture, she sorta looks like a heroin addict. (Much better photos — she’s actually quite attractive — appear here.)

Aliya McLendon and Aaron Horne Jr.
(Buy them a flour sifter.)

The Case:
- And . . . more Columbia Law. The couple met at an event there; the bride is an alumna. She also has an undergraduate degree and an MBA from Florida A&M University. She’s now an associate at Akin Gump.
- The groom is an honors graduate of the University of Chicago, from which he also received a medical degree and an MBA. He’s now a clinical fellow in the cardiology department at Johns Hopkins and is studying for a master’s in health economics there.

The Case Against:
- Their first date was over Salisbury steak in a hospital cafeteria. Click here to read about the USDA standards for Salisbury steak, which is only required to contain 65% meat.

Rebecca Krauss and Benjamin Taibleson
(Buy them a Kohl’s gift card.)

The Case:
- No Columbia here: These two are both YLS grads (although the bride was a transfer — or a “tranny,” as we used to call them). She was magna at Yale for undergrad, and he graduated with distinction from the University of Wisconsin.
- Ben, a former EIC of the Yale Law Journal, is currently clerking for D.C. Circuit Judge Merrick Garland. But Becca has one-upped him. She’s just finished clerking for Judge Brett Kavanaugh, also on the D.C. Circuit, and is now working for none other than Justice Antonin Scalia. Swoon!

The Case Against:
- You know what they say about Scalia clerks: “pale, male, and Harvard or Yale.” Becca has the Yale and pale parts sewn up, but she almost certainly lacks a penis. Judging from her picture, she also has a bit more ‘tude than the typical Scalia clerk, who generally walks around looking terrified that Nino will leap out of the shrubbery and catch him with his suit jacket unbuttoned. We predict a tempestuous, estrogen-laden year in the Scalia chambers!

The Verdict:
A Kavanaugh/Scalia clerk who’s also a chick? That’s rarer than an East Coast earthquake. Team Krauss-Taibleson runs away with the crown! Congratulations to them, and to all this week’s contestants.

Honorable Mention:
Lauren Harden and Jarrad Aguirre (Santa Clara)
Carmen Woo and Darren Wan (Stanford, Wachtell)
Jennifer Wang and Austin Ozawa (2, Columbia, Cravath, Gibson, Latham)
Kathleen Eagan and Matthew Murray (Harvard, Simpson Thacher)
Brooke Cashman and Thomas Bollyky (Stanford, GW)
Rachel Altfest and Michael Maimin (2, Columbia, Chicago)

The Rest:
Hannah Sholl and Ralph Wolf (2, Berkeley, Fordham, Paul Weiss)
Adelya Mamedova and Gerard Peyer (NYLS)
Renee Sekino and Jonathan Wolfe (2, NYU, BU)
Kara Ward and Michael Kessler (2, GW, Georgetown)
Elizabeth Johnson and Sean Stewart (Brooklyn)
Cynthia Singerman and Brian Andrews (Florida)
Molly Rapoport and Michael Duane (Cardozo)
Amanda Pustilnik and Alexander Howard (Yale)
Rebekah Sidhu and Davood Abdollahian (Vanderbilt)
Laura Schnaidt and Jeffrey Stedman (NYLS)
Aileen Lachs and Christopher Hill (Northeastern)
Mari Webel and Joshua Kobrin (NYU)
Nadya Salcedo and Michael Tuckman (NYU, Weil)
Kathryn Austina and John Kapusta (Stanford)
Sharon Sorkin and Jonathan Weissberg (NYLS)
Sara Natter and Daniel Valsamopoulos (Brooklyn)
Ilana Simons and Ian Blumenstein (Harvard, Cooley)
Shana Tabak and Louis-Alexandre Berg (Georgetown)
Heather Purcell and Robert Leja (Texas)
Victoria Babin and Nicholas Fram (UC Berkeley)
Annie Sparrow and Kenneth Roth (Yale)
Patricia Flaherty and Michael Fischette (Villanova)
Karen Spiegel and David Poppers (NYU)
Kathleen Legg and Rajib Chanda (Harvard, Ropes & Gray)
Angela Sung and Seth Pinsky (Harvard)
Katherine Bringsjord and Hampton Foushee (UNC)
Sarah Jane Sculco and Trevor Gibbons (Georgetown)
Katherine Racicot and Michael Ellis (Yale, Navy, Mitt Romney)
Jenna Lee and Leif Babin (Fordham)
Emily Schlesinger and Hui Li (Vanderbilt)
Elysia Gruber and Eugene Kowel (NYU, FBI)
Tara Sarathy and Matthew Dallek (Michigan)
Hallie Mitchell and Auren Hoffman (Northwestern)
Rachel Goldman and Elijah Alper (Columbia, Wilmer)
Karen Tu and Derek Huoth (2, Columbia, UPenn, Kirkland)
Molly Newland and Adam Tullman (2, Northwestern, Harvard)
Carrie Crane and Andrew Block (Cardozo)
Sara Yerry and Jared Gerber (NYU, Cleary Gottlieb)
Alice Goldman and Benjamin Reiter (NYU, Simpson Thacher)
Beth Schwartz and Ramin Mohajer (NYU, Morgan Lewis)
Shontell Powell and Anthony Blount Jr. (GW)
RyAnn McKay and Richard Hooper (Vanderbilt)