Crime, Law School Deans, Law Schools, Libraries / Librarians, Masturbation, Nude Dancing, Rudeness

Watch Out: There’s a Wanker in the Library!

And no, we’re not talking about the guy who sits in the front row of Federal Jurisdiction and always has his hand in the air.

We’re speaking more literally — about a man with his hand not up in the air, but down in his pants….

Take a look at the email and attachments pasted below, which went out earlier today to everyone at Albany Law School.

One of our tipsters had this very concise reaction: “WTF?”

From: Brian LaPlante
Sent: Wednesday, August 31, 2011 3:57 PM
To: Brian LaPlante
Subject: Public Safety Alert – Suspicious behavior

Please inform Campus Safety immediately if you see this person on campus.



We have two quick observations:

1. Interestingly enough, this isn’t the first incident of public masturbation in a law school library. Back in 2009, for example, there was a stack whacker sighting in the library at American University – WCL. Who knew that volumes of F. Supp. 2d could get men so hot and bothered?

2. In case you’re wondering, Elie is out sick this week.

On a more serious note, one of our Albany Law sources believes that this event raises larger issues:

Albany Law needs to get its act together. Anyone can just walk into the school or library without showing ID. Every year someone’s laptop gets stolen because people just walk in and out without being stopped. (In case you don’t know Albany, ALS is next to a large medical center and mental hospital, but who knows where this guy came from.)

Anyways, I thought you guys should know… lord knows our school does not take student emails seriously. Maybe you guys can help put pressure on what little administration we have left to make real changes.

Maybe find us a Dean? We need new blood up here.

Here’s an idea: Why not offer your deanship to the Law Library Masturbator (“LLM”)? He would certainly offer hands-on leadership.

The LLM has a documented ability to “roll on the floor while masturbating.” If that doesn’t qualify someone to serve as a law school dean, I don’t know what does.

Earlier: Attack of the Stack Whacker at American University – Washington College of Law

(hidden for your protection)

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