Family Law, Kids, Law Schools, Money, Pregnancy / Paternity, Student Loans

Paying For Law School, One Kid At A Time

You can't get your Family Law syllabus until you fill this cup.

When enterprising Ben Seisler ran short on cash in law school, he didn’t get some boring old job at the library. The UVA graduate put his education to use, realizing that — like Dorothy and her ruby slippers — he had been sitting on top of a gold mine all along. Literally.

The gold mine, it turns out, was located in Ben’s pants. Ben “donated” his sperm to a local sperm bank for $150. Apparently he took this charity work very seriously, as he returned to the bank again during his three years studying at George Mason University School of Law.

And again, and again, and again, and again….

Add sperm to petri dish, mix with eggs and vodka. Fast forward ten years:

[Seisler] is registered on an online registry called the Donor Sibling Registry that matches children conceived by sperm donors with their biological fathers and half-siblings. Based on his calculations, “I have reason to expect between 120 and 140 [children],’’ said Seisler.

Before you judge the man, you should know that Ben carefully considered the consequences of his actions:

These are issues a lot of men may not have considered back at the sperm bank, a lucrative source of quick cash. Seisler averaged $150 per donation and said the transaction seemed pretty uncomplicated.

“They told me I’d be anonymous,’’ said Seisler, who donated sperm at the Fairfax Cryobank in Virginia to help defray his law school bills from George Mason University. “That made sense to me. I really didn’t think too much about people trying to find me.’’

Or not. But who is this Adonis whom more than 20 women have selected to be the genetic father of their kids? BEHOLD THE KING OF THE JEWS: two degrees, tall, full head of hair, slightly pudgy with an endearing face (in my opinion). He is, as my grandmother would say, A CATCH.

Getting back to Ben and his many offspring, the ABA seems to think the issue is that the U.S., unlike other countries, doesn’t have caps on the number of children that can be fathered by a sperm donor, thereby opening the door for accidental incest. I think the real issue here is that students are masturbating into cups to pay for law school and prostituting themselves for textbooks. But that is just one woman’s opinion.

And here’s another issue not tackled by the ABA: promissory estoppel. Many of these women were inseminated during the golden era of law firms, from 2002-2007. They believed, with good reason, that law student sperm was a golden ticket to spawning successful lawyerlets, but then the economy tanked and today lawyer genes aren’t worth the amino acids they’re printed on. Now they — and we — are stuck with a generation still in diapers whose futures are already ruined unless they can score in the top 10% of their law school class.

In its wildest dreams, the ABA probably never thought that falsely broadcasting law school as a foolproof career plan would result in a platoon of infants hungry for breast milk and deal work. But the ABA, being ABA-accredited, took Torts like the rest of us. This parade of horribles was a foreseeable consequence of their false advertising. And here we are now, fait accompli.

So, who is to blame? Ben, for not realizing the ramifications of his “donation”? His new wife, for marrying a man who couldn’t foresee the consequences of his actions? Or the ABA, for deluging the job market with toddlers salivating to steal your job? You decide.

Who’s your daddy? [Boston Globe]
Need an Excel Spreadsheet to Track Sperm Donor Children? Law Prof Sees Need for Regulations [ABA Journal]

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