UPDATE (5:20 PM): Here are some of the most popular (by “likes”) or most colorful comments posted in this thread:

  • “Quickly losing incentive to work a job that requires conference calls on Thanksgiving and pays shitty bonuses.”
  • “This is actually offensive.”
  • “This is such a goddamn joke. I know 25 year old high school dropout miners in the Australian outback that make more than me. FML and F Cravath.”
  • “My in-house bonus was $40k, non-inclusive of stock options and RSU’s. I thought one perk of this setting would be that I get to dish out work to higher-paid outside counsel without regard for inconveniencing them. Based on these numbers, I’ll have to at least consider giving my guy a weekend off.”
  • Bonobo Bro: “I find myself suddenly overcome by an urge to take a nap right now and have a hard time waking up in the morning for the foreseeable future.”

UPDATE (5:30 PM): More reader comments that struck us as interesting or amusing:

  • “THESE MOTHERF**KING SON OF A BITCH F**KING FACE A**HOLE PARTNER.S. YOU ARE SO G****MN RICH AND YOU ARE GIVING ME THIS PIECE OF S**T C**KFACE F**K-YOU IN THE A**HOLE BONUS? ARE YOU UNF**KINBELIEVING KIDDING ME? I AM F**KING NOT JOKING AROUND. I AM SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. YOU LITERALLY MAKE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS AND I WORK LITERALLY AROUND THE CLOCK, HAVE HEATLH PROBLEMS, HEALTH PRPOBLEM YOU F**KERS, I’M NOT JOKING, THIS IS MY LIFE AND I’M GOING TO DIE EVENTUALLY, AND YOU DON’T GIVE A FLYING F**K YOU GREEDY MOTHERF**KERS. I SWEAR TO GOD THE OCCUPY WALL STREET MOVEMENT WAS RIGHT YOU ARE THE BGIGGEST F**KING GROUP OF C**KSCUUCKING D****EBAGS IN HUMAN HISTORY AND I’M NOT EXAGERRATING ONE GODDAMN IOTA. YOU LITEARLLY THINK YOU CAN HAVE INDENTURED MOTHER F**KING SERVANTS DOING YOUR S***TY CORPROATE F**KFACE WORK.”
  • “My apologies, I mispoke. These bonuses are bulls**t. Let’s see here, (i) its pretty much impossible to make partner at big law these days, (ii) associate compensation has been stagnant for 3 years and (iii) during that same 3 year period, profits per partner have been steadily increasing… this Kool-Aid tastes like s**t.”
  • “and partners everywhere breathe a sigh of relief. greedy SOBs. they are getting richer at unprecedented levels and refusing to share. associates per hour pay ends up equaling out to that of a glorified electrician. how do partners expect to attract top talent? what are they selling? a 10 year path to partnership filled with tons of sleepless nights, numerous lost weekends and holidays, and firm bureaucracy? Occupy LAWSTREET!!!! This profession is falling fast. Associates need to wake the f*** up!!!”
  • “Associate complaints about partners ‘refusing to share’ crack me up. You want the money? Go start your own firm. What’s that? You don’t have the skill set to generate work or attract talented employees? Oh, then take what you’re given, pipe down, and bring me some coffee.”
  • “OCCUPY CRAVATH!”
  • “This sucks. Maybe they are setting up another Spring bonus, but hell if i’ll let that convince me not to apply to the multitude of firms where billing 2100 is a lot.”
  • “Just wait for the mass exodus to come in January. Un-fraking-believable.”
  • “Just called Per Se. Get nothing but busy signal. The phones must be ringing off the hook!”
  • “Elie, this should please you. The high salaries and huge bonuses are what lured stupid, naive kids into law school and the crushing, unfair debt. Only when law firm pay hits McDonald’s cashier levels will the world be fair and you be happy.”

When bonuses hit at your firm, please let us know, by email or by text message (646-820-8477 / 646-820-TIPS). Thanks.

UPDATE (12/21/11): Here’s a notable caveat about the Cravath bonuses.

Cravath Unveils Bonuses: It’s (Mostly) 2010 All Over Again [WSJ Law Blog]
Cravath, First Out of the Gate, Announces Bonuses On Par with 2010 [Am Law Daily]

Earlier: New Partner Watch: Cravath and Simpson
Cravath Bonuses Are Out: The 2010 Bonus Season Is Under Way!
Breaking: Cravath Bonuses Are Out and Down (2009)


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