Biglaw, Music, Videos, Weirdness, YouTube

The Squire Sanders Attorney Who Made the ‘Most Epically Awful’ Video of 2011

Who says lawyers can't rock out?

We talk a lot here on Above the Law about the difficulties attorneys have in finding a work-life balance. Often Biglaw life becomes all work, all the time. Or sometimes, burned out attorneys run in the other direction entirely and open a bike shop, but it rarely feels like there is a viable in-between.

I’m inclined to say that if you have a passion, you should go for it, no matter what other people think. Lawyers should be allowed to wear different hats. Sometimes that means allegedly showing off your new boobs to co-workers. Sometimes it means making rap music.

And in one Ohio attorney’s case, it means writing, directing, producing, and starring in epically bizarre, Camelot-inspired heavy metal videos….

By day, Steve Delchin is a senior attorney at Squire, Sanders & Dempsey in Cleveland. But by night, oh man, by night, he is lead singer of Alternate Reality, and the man behind the video for “The King That Never Was.”

Video Ga Ga recently named the video the worst of the year, beating out a hot Norwegian mess entitled, “I Don’t Wanna Be A Crappy Housewife,” and even Rebecca Black’s infamous ode to underage driving.

We’ll get to the video itself in a minute. In case you can’t watch it at work, here are some highlights:

– The busty narrator girl has a strong Midwestern accent, which is hilariously noticeable because she is talking about medieval England. She also has an odd tendency to speak in slow motion. And why does she stand awkwardly with her hand against the wall the whole time?

– The band either spent a ton on post-production or went to town on someone’s personal copy of Final Cut Pro. The video includes lots of sepia toning, sparks, burning ramparts, lightning, and fireballs. Delchin’s official firm bio says he has an interest in multimedia projects and social media (don’t tell Brian Tannebaum), so he might have done the whole thing himself.

– Where the hell did they find that house/castle? It somehow looks simultaneously huge and quite small. I know Ohio is big and rural, but what a weird production set.

– They went all out with extravagant costumes. Chain-mail, big dresses, swords. I think there’s a wizard hat involved. Something tells me the Alternate Reality crew is no stranger to Renaissance Faires.

– Delchin’s yell at 2:15 is devastatingly unmetal. He needs to take a brutal-scream lesson from these guys.

I could keep going, but it might be best to just let everyone watch it for themselves. So yeah, enjoy:

It’s also worth noting the other legal professionals involved in the song. Steve’s brother, Bob, plays guitar in the band. He is also an attorney and runs his own firm, according to Alternate Reality’s Facebook page. A tipster reports that the blond-haired woman is a Delchin “groupie,” as well as a legal secretary at Squire Sanders.

I’ve watched the video a few times now, as well as some others on Delchin’s YouTube channel (username: attorneyguy), and I admit, I’m starting to feel a bit woozy.

But here’s the thing. Steve, haters always gonna hate. I, for one, will not attend your shows or buy your albums. Though if you truly feel this music in your bones, how can anyone tell you to stop?

The Most Epically Awful Videos of 2011: Even Worse Than Rebecca Black [Video Ga Ga]

Christopher Danzig is a writer in Oakland, California. He covers legal technology and the West Coast for Above the Law. Follow Chris on Twitter @chrisdanzig or email him at You can read more of his work at

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