Elena Kagan, Food, Grade Reform, Law Schools

The Early Bird Gets the In-Class Candy

Law students are starting to get a little loopy about receiving their first semester grades. It’s still too early to feel like grades are “late,” but competitive law students are starting to get antsy.

Speaking of competition, we’ve now seen a couple of examples of top law schools trying to reassure students who might receive less than stellar grades. The Dean of Students at the University of Chicago Law School sent around an important safety tip earlier this month. And you’ll remember that Columbia Law went so far as to share the unimpressive grades of Columbia faculty in an attempt to calm students.

Now another top law school is getting into the “dear God these millennials are made of porcelain” game. Note: people at low-ranked law schools, do not try this at home. Your grades actually matter, A LOT.

But even when you are being soothed by the Student Bar Association at your great law school, you should beware of the classmate that is willing to out-compete you for treats….

At other schools, the faculty is trying to calm nerves while students wait for their grades. But at Harvard Law School, the SBA has taken it upon itself to try to make things a little nicer for fellow classmates. Tipsters report that the SBA placed lollipops (“suckers” to you bawdy individuals in the midwest) and chocolate in classrooms at HLS, along with a note about the poor grades received by some members of the HLS faculty.

How very “un”-HLS of them. Harvard Law is known for its competitiveness and selfishness, not for kindness and care… hold on, I’m told we have an HLS tipster on the line:

The note was stupid and didn’t help much, but the candy was awesome. I hadn’t had breakfast [because I got to class super early], so before the next student came in about an hour later, I managed to consume about a dozen suckers and a half dozen [Hershey] kisses. (I pocketed a few other tidbits for later — am I bad?) By the time the class started I was flying on a sugar high, and felt almost as happy as if I’d gotten into Yale.

Before getting to work on eating all that candy, I snapped some photos, in case you think your readers would be interested. As I said, I thought the note was stupid, but maybe your readers will think otherwise. It talks about former Harvard law students who got bad grades and went on to do great things, but it doesn’t say whether or not that’s because they got candy with their bad grades, so I’m not sure what it proves.

Must go — Professor [Redacted] just entered the room!

— Candied Up in Cambridge

Now that sounds like the HLS I know.

Nice try by the SBA to give out some pre-grade cheer, but this isn’t a fairy tale. This is Harvard-Mutherf***ing-Law-School. Home of the next generation of bitches who will enjoy helping people fire people.

Check out the note (and classroom pics if you are so inclined); it’s actually got some pretty funny information about the less than stellar grades of some HLS professors and sitting Supreme Court justices. It is sweet. Or weak. Like the people who didn’t get any candy this morning….

(hidden for your protection)

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