When I was a kid, my father leaned across the dinner table and whispered to me, “Never ask a woman’s age or weight.” He then stole a glance at my mother, who was busy shoveling mashed potatoes into her maw, and sighed. I could never tell whether my dad was trying to offer the wisdom of the ages or making a statement about the tyranny of manners, the clichés they birth, and the way in which politeness can imprison a good man in a loveless relationship that inevitably leads to you watching your 400-pound wife shovel potatoes back like she was auditioning for The Biggest Loser.
And so it was that the Internet Movie Database, aka IMDb, found itself under attack for revealing an actress’s age and “real Asian name.” Kash detailed the charges last October. A few weeks ago, we noted that the woman would have to put up (her name) or shut up (legally speaking).
Well, I don’t want to waste any more of your precious time. The grand reveal is finally here.
After the jump, pictures of an attractive Asian woman….
In Kash’s original post on the topic, there were only two guesses in the comments section as to the actress’s identity (Academy Award winner Bai Ling and “asian porn star Katsumi”). Both excellent guesses. When I read the story, I was only able to come up with a few myself. I thought it had to be either Maggie Q, Moon Bloodgood, the man who jumps out of the trunk in Hangover with the small penis, or the Joy Luck Club.
Well, dear readers, we all struck out. If we had merely thought back to the time we had that really rad slumber party and watched all those great movies, we would have distinctly remembered the “young” woman who portrayed Ghetto Girl Three in Hoodrats 2: Hoodrat Warriors. You’ve already guessed her name, haven’t you? Yep, Junie Hoang.
At least, that’s the name she used when she played Janet in My Big Phat Hip Hop Family. It’s the name that appeared in the credits (just before the keygrips) when she memorably portrayed Slapping Girl in Single and Dealing With It. It most definitely is the name she used when she put Hollywood on notice in her turn as Ensign del Rio in Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust. Hell, she used Junie Hoang when she showed up again in that franchise’s Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver.
But guys? That’s not her real name. Those a-holes over at IMDb had the audacity to gank her credit card information and reveal to the entire world that her name is Huong Hoang. And that’s not all. They also posted on her awe-inspiring IMDb profile her real age of 40. 40! Listen, you don’t need to have seen Searching for Debra Winger to know that women in Hollywood are forced to lie about their ages all the time. Once their real ages are out there, they have no recourse but to play minor roles in movies like Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust. Real talk, guys.
Doesn’t look a day over 38. In the comments, feel free to discuss who your favorite Asian actresses are, what you think Gingerdead Man 4 will be titled, or even that Broncos-Steelers game yesterday. Your call.