Craigslist, Drinking, Drugs, Job Searches, Weirdness

This Is the Weirdest Craigslist Job Ad I Have Ever Seen

Last week we covered a confident San Diego attorney's entertaining Craigslist ad for a young, hip, attractive assistant. I'ma let you talk, Legal Baller. Your ad was pretty good, but I wanted to let you know that a Denver business just posted the most bats**t-crazy Craigslist lawyer ad of all time. OF ALL TIME. Let's take a look…

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CRAIGSLIST — DENVER — ATTORNEY POSITION. PLEASE READ BEFORE SENDING RESUME.

The attorney for this position will need to be at least five years seasoned. Our little company has colleagues of attorneys who will cover and back up, if and when necessary. You will not have an attorney who leads you or partners you as of now. We are building the right attorney into a successful one. You will have to be responsible and not fear the career. You will also have to understand that our paralegals have experience in some areas and know what they are talking about. As the lead attorney you will have to accept that your counterparts-nonattorneys will be giving you valuable information and not only hear what they say, but understand they are telling you something that is important to the case and to the clients and to you. If you have to CONTROL the show, then do not apply. We all work together and we share information.

As the attorney for our company, for all obvious reasons, you will be responsible for COLTAF funds, and paying billing cycles for contracted work, as my colleagues and I are contractors, not employees. This will have to be done willingly. Meaning that if you have mounds of student loans and credit card debts beyond your control, or creditors hunting you, this would certainly not be the job for you. We do run a background check on credit. We also perform a random U.A.’s. We are a good clean company that is seeking the same type of attorney. Heavy drinkers will not be tolerated, nor will drug addicts. We are all clean and sober in this company, and seeking someone who fits into this social class. We are not passing judgment on those who enjoy an unhibited lifestyle. We just are not looking for that type of attorney at this time.

This position is open for an attorney only.

Being athletic is not required but preferred, and will most certainly make the top of the resume pile. : ) Being a morning person will increase your chances at working here. : ) I think we mentioned, you will be required to pass a drug and alcohol screening, background check.

The right person for this career will have to bring a coo in marketing, we do not just wish to fish all day for “The Leader”, Lol. We wish to have a leader who fishes with us like pa used to! : ) We also need an attorney who is willing to share. The attorney we hire will not be hateful and spiteful to his/her staff, or hungover and mean. He/She will have tact, skill, grace, and more importantly humor. This is SERIOUS! Lol. We need an attorney who cares about the clients and understands, does not yell or act disgruntled when one calls, or shows other clients just what a burden they are for he/she. Rather, someone humane that understands the clients are truly hurt and sad, and worried and emotional. We need someone with the heart for this. Again, hangovers will not be tolerated.

This position will be filled by an attorney who knows that they love what they do. We all have boyfriends and girlfriends. We are very together and love what we do! This is the greatest job and crew! Why? Because we love what we do! : )

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We would prefer an attorney that does not have too many extra-curricular activities, because we would like you to help us build your reputation and get a bigger better office for us all. Some extra-curricular activities are encouraged, not to many. This attorney must be trustworthy, personable, and laid back.

Our office is not suit and tie everyday, but does require appropriate wears for courtrooms and client intake. Hint… An attorney who prefers wine and beer over nice clothing and good appearance, need not apply. We need an attorney who has both self love and love for others, and shows that in his/her appearance and mood.

COLTAF funds need to be distributed appropriately, but not so pinch penny that they are not even distributed at all for work that employees perform. Again, we do a credit check. : ) Arguments and troublesome behavior over money that is earned will not be tolerated. We are honest and straighforward about billing needs, and like to be paid comfortably. Our staff does not wish to fight like a third world country to be paid, and treated poorly and not worthy of funds earned. Again, we like to be paid comfortably, not miseribly.

This company has run for almost five years. We are not a law firm. However, we welcome your law firm and wish to build you into the attorney you deserve to be and give you the recognition you deserve. Monies paid to staff are at times large sums. Most attorneys understand this. Most attorneys make a lot more money then we do. We appreciate our attorney. Why? We could not make it without them and love them dearly for helping us. We have an office. We have the option of moving into an office that fits two, three or four, depending on the budget.

The office is not a high rise in downtown, however. It is more a little cozy nook, then anything. There are two nice consultation rooms for meeting clients. We do not encourage or allow for meeting clients in homes or coffee houses, as this is against the code of conduct. Also, we do require someone with at least four years experience. An attorney who is seasoned in the field to some degree, we handle Criminal, Bankruptcy, Divorce, Civil, and other fields of law. We do not discriminate.

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Please contact email at top.

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