Animal Law, Harvard

Harvard Law Turkeys

Elie’s Fables: Of the Turkey and the Law:

“Come into my house, feast on my knowledge” said The Law, “and you shall furnish a glorious future.”
“I don’t know if I should,” replied the Turkey, “but I have nothing better to do.”
Quickly the bird was seized by Law and prepared for slaughter.
“But you promised a glorious future,” said the Turkey.
“And I shall have one, thanks to the bounty you have provided,” said the Law.

Yes, it is Friday. And yes, I just spent three minutes making up a fable. And now, I present to you a frightened turkey running away from Harvard Law School while one HLS student shows characteristic ignorance about the natural world…

Why did the turkey cross the road? Because even turkeys know to stay away from Harvard Law.

To set the scene: there’s a turkey outside Harvard Law School’s new Wasserstein Hall on Massachusetts avenue.

Dear chick at the end: it is not a hawk. How could you possibly confuse a turkey for a hawk? Does the thing have to be wearing a Pilgrim hat while surrounded by potatoes for you to identify it? Please take a half day off of law school and IMMEDIATELY GO TO THE SCIENCE CENTER so that you might be a more well-rounded person in the future.

Actually, this woman did not have the dumbest bird-related reaction I’ve witnessed at Harvard. When I was a freshman, a hawk (a real hawk, not a fattened, “Thanksgiving hawk”) swooped down from somewhere and struck and killed a nasty squirrel. It was beautiful, and you expected David Attenborough to pop out from behind a library book at any moment to document the majesty of this simple meal. But then all these freaking Harvard idiots start crowding around the bird, preventing it from have enough clearance to take off. I screamed, “A HAWK is not a HELICOPTER, give it space,” but it was too late. The hawk had to abandon its kill to get away from the gawking students.

What can I say, I have a soft spot for predators. Mainly because they aren’t as delicious as prey. But I am glad this turkey seemingly escaped the clutches of HLS. Sometimes, being something that can’t break 140 on the LSAT and drowns in the rain from looking up has its advantages.

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