Have you ever wondered what law firm librarians really do? In an age where everything is online and your average 10-year-old is more comfortable with search logic than a person who has a degree in library science, some might say a law firm librarian is mainly there to make sure there’s a copy of the New Yorker on a coffee table in reception.

But looks can be deceiving. [Cue the John Noble voice]:

Are there questions that should not be asked? Experiments that should not be performed? Doors that should remain forever closed? Sometimes, law librarians go too far.

Join me for this real-life story about the dark side of your law firm…

A law librarian at Quinn Emanuel sent around a firm-wide email to let everyone know about the firm’s subscription to the Investment Arbitration Reporter. The email included a screenshot showing how to access the service, which is what a Quinn tipster zeroed in on:

What is interesting is not the email itself, but the Google searches the sender has been doing. Look at the other tab AND the search window in upper-right corner.

CHECK YOU SCREENSHOTS (click to enlarge; I’ve highlighted the creepy parts in red):

Does it frighten you that your law librarian has a search tab open for “cell phone jammers”? Does it make you question your reality to know that a staffer at your firm is searching for “law firm mind control”?

Perhaps the librarian was simply following orders from one John Quinn — founding partner of Quinn Emanuel and notorious enemy of capital letters. Perhaps mind control is the next step in his nefarious plan to make all personnel write strictly in lowercase. Or to get change for his hundred-dollar bills. Mwahahaha.

No, but seriously — that’s mad creepy, right? Law firm mind control? Why would any law firm need that?

Isn’t owning your soul enough?

Earlier: Can Somebody Break a Hundred for John Quinn?
Wherein We Hear From john quinn of Quinn Emanuel