Benchslaps, California, Cocaine / Crack, Federal Judges, Intellectual Property, Judicial Divas, Patents, Ridiculousness, Technology, Trials

Benchslap of the Day: Are You On Crack?

Judge Lucy Koh

Ars Technica described the fantastical scene this morning. Judge Koh lost her s**t after Apple submitted 75 pages of objections to witnesses that almost certainly won’t have time to testify anyway. Cocaine anyone?

“You want me to do an order on 75 pages tonight? When, unless you’re smoking crack, you know that these witnesses are not going to be called?” Koh shouted at Apple lawyers. “Who is going to call all these witnesses when you have less than four hours left?”

Howard Mintz, live blogging for the Mercury News, brought some additional color to the scene:

She waves the witness list in the air. There is so much smoke coming out of Judge Koh’s ears it is going to be declared a spare-the-air day in San Jose.

Yeah. That happened. Sounds like Judge Koh was channeling some old-school Morgan Freeman. Apple’s attorney’s response was almost as priceless, as recounted by Ars Technica:

“Your honor, first of all, I’m not smoking crack,” said Apple lawyer Bill Lee. “We have timed it out.”

How many attorneys have the unenviable ability to say they explicitly had to tell a judge, facetiously or not, that they were not on drugs in court?

I hate to say this, but maybe Judge Koh should look for a less stressful job. Since she’s clearly got experience with fangs, maybe she should ask this guy for work.

Apple v. Samsung judge, at wit’s end, asks if lawyers are “smoking crack” [Ars Technica]
Despite judge’s entreaty, Apple v. Samsung charges toward finish line [Ars Technica]
Apple-Samsung patent trial live blog: Samsung expert says Apple damages overstated []
Samsung Rests Case against Apple In U. S. Patent Jury Trial [Bloomberg]

Earlier: Apple Rests Its Case, Samsung Claims Small Victory, and Judge Koh Continues Awesomely Busting Heads
What’s Really at Stake In Apple v. Samsung
Above the Law Goes to Trial — Dispatch from Apple v. Samsung
The Apple v. Samsung Trial Continues, And John Quinn Keeps Taking Shots
John Quinn Defends His Personal Honor As Apple v. Samsung Trial Gets Crazier

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