The news from the Supreme Court this morning isn’t about affirmative action or campaign finance or health care for Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Today’s news is the gossip that (conservative) Antonin Scalia and (liberal) Elena Kagan apparently enjoy each other’s company. In our polarized political climate, it’s news that Scalia and Kagan have gone hunting together, without trying to kill each other.
Yeah, you heard that right, hunting. Scalia took Kagan hunting. Scalia has now corrupted one of the liberal justices into murdering defenseless animals for sport. When reached for comment, Scalia said of Kagan “I could feel her anger. It gives her focus, makes her stronger.”
Kagan can’t go out like this. If she’s going to start killing things for amusement, it’s got to be part of a deal where she makes Scalia do something, I don’t know, compassionate and human. You know? Or at the very least, she’s got to take him to a gay bar in Chelsea or something….
The Knoxville News Sentinel has a report on a talk Kagan gave at the University of Tennessee College of Law. I don’t know how they got to the topic of hunting, but I bet she was trying to make some broader point about collegiality on the Court:
Witty and affable, Kagan often kept the crowd chuckling with her preference for American Top-40 music and tales of learning to shoot fowl with Scalia.
“Last spring, he said to me ‘It’s time to move on to the big game,’” she said, adding that she will miss Saturday’s football game in Neyland to hunt with him in Wyoming.
“I’m hoping to bag myself an antelope.”
She’s honestly going to go out and try to kill Bambi’s mother. GOOD JOB NINO. Keep on her, and she’ll be shooting animals from a helicopter with unregulated assault rifles in no time.
Well, as a liberal, I demand satisfaction. I want photos of Kagan taking Scalia to a foreign film festival, forcing him to experience the glory of other cultures. I want Scalia plugging in a Prius before he and Kagan go on a nature walk… an unarmed nature walk. If Scalia can convince Kagan to kill an antelope, she better be able to convince him to have a joint — something that only inspires you to murder a bag of Doritos.
I guess as long and Kagan and Scalia are collaborating to murder animals, the Second Amendment is alive and well.
Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan talks gender, hunting with UT audience [Knoxville News Sentinel]