One of these days, there is going to be an awesome story of a recent law graduate attempting some kind of complicated heist, reminiscent of The Town, in order to pay off his crushing graduate school debts.

This is not that story. This is a story of an allegedly crazy man, wearing a 3D mascot hat, who allegedly tried to steal $500 with a Star Wars blaster.

But the dude went to law school, and so we get to talk about it….

The Wisconsin State Journal has the story of Randall H. Hubatch. He’s 49 years old, graduated from Wisconsin Law in 2004, and has been charged with a very weird bank robbery:

A man who wore a three-dimensional Bucky Badger hat when he allegedly robbed an East Side credit union last week told police that he wants to go to prison and needed the money because he has $250,000 in student debt…

With a plastic Star Wars toy gun in his pocket, Hubatch told police, he wrote a note demanding $500 and told a teller not to stall because he didn’t want to hurt anyone. He said he also wrote that he would shoot anyone who followed him to his car, noting to [Madison police Detective Tom Helgren] that he put in the reference to the car to throw people off because he doesn’t have a car.

He told Helgren he has $250,000 in student loans that he can’t pay. He said he asked for $500 because he thought Summit would not care about $500 and would simply give it to him.

Stealing $500 to pay off $250,000 in student debt? That sounds like the kind of math that leads people to law school.

Apparently Hubatch graduated from UW-Madison with an English degree in 1998 and got his law degree in 2004. Don’t you just love living in a country where somebody can borrow a quarter of a million dollars to have those two credentials? Again, this alleged criminal is not a mathlete.

But the University of Wisconsin admissions people also deserve a shout-out. This guy seems a little bit off — he reportedly told police that he is “slightly autistic” — but he still managed to get into UW twice.

I’m telling you, I support universal background checks before people can be armed with a J.D. Can you imagine the kind of pro se lawsuits this dude will be filing if he gets his act together a little bit better? Threatening to blast people with a Star Wars toy is just one step removed from blasting unsuspecting individuals with frivolous litigation.

Alleged robber with Bucky Badger hat needed money for debt, complaint says [Wisconsin State Journal]


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