California, Job Searches, Small Law Firms, Solo Practitioners

Hey, Ladies: The Legal Baller Is Hiring Again

Last year, we introduced you to San Diego’s self-proclaimed Legal Baller, the upstanding criminal attorney offering to pay “attractive hip females” $10 an hour to be his legal assistant.

While some thought that the previous ad seemed like a joke and questioned whether the Legal Baller truly existed, it turns out he is very much real. Meet Raymundo Pacello, Jr., the “Multi-Dimensional Trial Attorney” and former muscle man whose interests include ancient rhetoric and “Causing a Riff in the Tide of Power!” Because we all know the tide of power could stand to be musically spiced up a little.

So who is the man behind the Legal Baller legend and who is he looking to hire now? Keep reading to find out….

Unlike his previous “help wanted” ad, which was targeted at only the finest of the young ladies in San Diego, this time around the Legal Baller has placed an equal opportunity ad for a law clerk:

Law Clerk (Downtown San Diego)

The Legal Baller Law Firm is looking for a law clerk who authors exceptionally; is not fearful of being creative; who wants to actually enjoy researching and finding ways to out wit his or her adversary in a relaxed, but serious firm environment. Is that you? Well, show us what you can do by way of your Curriculum Vitae and a fancied sample of your writing. We prefer applications from a 3rd year law student finishing up there degree or someone with a law degree awaiting to succeed at the Bar. Please Fax. To 619-374-2975

Because nothing says “serious firm environment” like the name “Legal Baller Law Firm.” Presumably whatever attractive hip female Pacello hired a year ago has brought an air of professionalism and seriousness to the place. And as far as “authoring exceptionally” goes, it seems that you might be well ahead of the ad’s author just by knowing the difference between “there,” “they’re,” and “their.”

Pacello’s LinkedIn profile provides a fairly incomprehensible explanation of the Legal Baller moniker:

“Legal Baller” is my Service Mark. To most it maybe the subject of a ‘chide’ or the ‘butt of another’s joke'; to others it’s a conversation piece, and to some it’s just downright cool and ingenius. And, whatever category you fall into; it is what it is! 

To me, it is a contemporary way of bringing back the teachings of Ancient Roman Orators. The actual discipline is known as ‘Ancient Rhetoric’ and it was the educational bedrock taught to anyone of stature, royalty, rank, etc. who wanted to be anything of societal significance in Rome during it’s glory days. For Orators then were taught via a multi-disciplinary approach and had to speak in the schools impromptu using Declamatory Exercises with concise facts. Masters taught their pupils heavily in ‘Artes Liberales’ to form the store of an Orator’s arguments. Indeed, there is not a dearth more.

And it’s all the more appropos because of how I obtained my status as an Attorney and Counselor at Law. Summarily, AA to JD, no LSAT and passing the Bar the very first try. Subsequent thereto, I became entrenched in Literature, Philosophy, Rhetoric, Poetry via the San Diego County Public Library ala…(as stated below) ‘Good Will Hunting’.

I might think it was “ingenius” if that were a real word. Instead, I’m mostly just confused. Apparently a Legal Baller is the modern-day incarnation of the Ancient Roman Orators and one who can become a lawyer without taking the LSAT? Sure.

One thing that is certain is that Pacello does indeed love his poetry. He offers up this quasi-poetic description of Legal Baller:

Unconventional style, Exceptional Results! (SM) Any Courtroom, Any Kind of Case…you name it Raymundo can game it! Criminal Defense? Yup. Serious Personal Injury? Absolutely! Divorce & Custody? You know it! Business Lit? Baller’s legit! Real Property? Most properly! …Contracts? Somebody stop me! And whatever else the client needs; see!

If that’s not enough, Pacello’s Facebook page exhibits a true sampling of his legal rhyming skills:

As if things could only get better,
for my mental ink blot got wetter..

Played the force your hand end move,
Duly cold busted the AG’s DNA groove!

15 year exposure on a large drug bust,
personal referral so success was a must!

Showed the winning hand just before the call,
a Municipal Felony ? haha really I got the ball!

Identical twin proving alternative source of the DNA,
smoking plea deal in an hour ’tis what LB has to say!

Is a wet mental inkblot supposed to be a good thing…?

Anyway, Pacello is more than just a powerful legal mind, and his honors and awards prove it:

Physically: Mr. Teen Long Island 1991, Mr. Border States 1995, Runner Up Mr. San Diego 1998 (methinks), Drug Free Powerlifting Champion USAPL 1999

Going forward, I intend to always include “(methinks)” on my résumé as a get out of jail free card for any accomplishments that potential employers might not be able to verify. Seems like a foolproof plan.

When he’s not busy penning legal verse or reliving the glory days of teen bodybuilding, the Legal Baller spends his time serving as the managing member of this mysterious entity:

FKME is my Trademark Brand. The tag line reads: “What are you ‘really’ thinking?” It’s logo is a “lock” and a “key” and goes to heart of the human psyche. The original creator did not have the capital to launch the brand the right way so I stepped in and purchased it. I already have an investor who wants to buy 50% of my company and I am starting to market it locally to public figures, nightclub owners, Vodka sales reps, jean manufacturers; you name it. My goal is also to hire a fashion designer to create ‘couture’ clothing for celebrities and affluent persons about. From my ‘competitive bodybuilding days’ the phrase “No Limits” formulates the foundation of the brand. Stay tuned…more to come…in the near future!

What I’m “really” thinking about this odd clothing line could indeed be abbreviated FKME.

The Legal Baller seems to be on the verge of greatness. So dust off your fancied writing samples, 3Ls, and a totally legit legal career could be yours.

Law Clerk (Downtown San Diego) [Craigslist]

Earlier: Want To Work for a ‘Legal Baller’?

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