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What might Shaft’s website look like if he were a lawyer?

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We all know by now just how many atrocious lawyer websites there are out there. Whenever I see a tip show up in my inbox about legal advertising, I prepare myself for yet another round of “What Were They Thinking?” But every once in a rare while, someone comes along who has mastered the advertising game. It takes a special talent to know what is just the right amount of crazy to be awesome.

It occurs to me that before today I never stopped to ask myself the important question, “What might Shaft’s website look like if he were a lawyer?” Which is unfortunate, because now I know the answer. And it is good.

So who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother man? Carl B. Grant. Right on.

Kids, it’s time to turn up your speakers, sit back, and enjoy the greatness that is Carl B. Grant, if you can handle it.

First off, the music. Obviously the music. From the sweet R&B tones to the rapped instructions for how to reach the receptionist, it’s just perfect. Even better, it will serenade you on an endless loop. And trust me, it never gets old.

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“When you’re in trouble, call…”

Anyway, if you can tear yourself away from the happy place the Carl B. Grant song has transported you to, the site offers a lot of nice eye candy. Honestly, have you ever seen someone so perfectly rock the bow tie and four-point crown pocket square? It should be illegal.

And if you had any doubt about the size of Carl B. Grant’s legal prowess, just look at that strategically placed giant gavel. Nice job, web designers, I see what you did there. All rise, indeed.

This picture might be hard to top, but there are just so many great shots on the site to choose from that it’s tough to pick a favorite. To peruse them all, you can go the boring route and use the drop down menu under “Photo” or take the more fun approach of trying to click through the oddly wiggling boxes on the home page.

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Here are some of the highlights. We have the Carl B. Grant with glasses:

The Carl B. Grant without glasses:

And, of course, Carl B. Grant handling business:

These photos are badass enough that I’ll even give a pass to the clichéd “I use books so I must be a lawyer” shot.

We all know lawyers don’t use books, but books photograph way better than computers. Although if anyone could make using Lexis look good, it’s Carl B. Grant. Just look how good he makes that book look. He seems to have many leather-bound books. I’d bet good money that his office smells of rich mahogany. The next time I’m in South Carolina I might just have to stop by and see.

If the pictures aren’t enough and you need to know more about the man behind the music (although, really, why?), you can watch the video for a little one on one time with Carl B. Grant himself. You can also read about his TV appearances with Oprah, Phil and Leeza on his other far less interesting website.

But really we’ve learned two things today. First, a sweet, sultry jam can go a long way on a website. Second, Carl B. Grant is smoother than you can ever hope to be. And when his theme song is still running through your head as you try to fall asleep tonight, you’re welcome.

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