When you graduate from Harvard Law School, they give you little inflatable sharks that you are supposed to wave around when your school is called. I don’t know who “they” is, but I know they do it to reinforce the fact that as a Harvard lawyer, you are expected to go unto the world and wreak havoc in a relentless, remorseless fashion. HLS is a pretty messed-up place.

I know at other law schools students wave gavels. NYU Law grad Joe Patrice claims that they didn’t wave anything at his graduation… though he is usually drunk and not to be trusted. Western New England Law grad Staci said simply, “My school probably couldn’t afford anything to wave around.” Then she made the “wait, don’t post that” face, as I laughed and laughed in an elitist cackle.

The point is: graduating classes sometimes have little emblems or signs or things they bring to commencement to signify the careers they are about to start.

But for the law class of 2013, what careers are we talking about, really? Gavels and sharks seem a little too ambitious, no? Perhaps they should be waving around boxes of ramen? Maybe they should do what this college kid did below?

I’m not sure; let’s crowdsource this bad boy…

If you are graduating from any institution of higher learning in 2013, this mortarboard seems appropriate:

It’s not super legally related, though, just a commentary that even Lannisters would struggle to pay back their educational debts in this market.

If the class of 2013 was being honest with itself, what would they be waving around at graduation? I’ve got some ideas:

  • A Bluetooth headset: See, it looks like you’d need it to talk with clients, like a real lawyer, but really you’ll need it because all the good legal jobs will be in LPO call centers in India.
  • Shot glasses: Lawyers do a lot of drinking when they have jobs. You want to guess how much drinking they do when they don’t?
  • Puppies: Everybody loves puppies! Also, hanging out at the dog run is a good way to meet clients… for your dog walking business.
  • Underserved Homeless People: Just ask class of 2011 people to come back for graduation.
  • Stripper Pole: Like you’d object if clients started slipping money into your pants.
  • A copy of Dodd-Frank: Then you can just stand there screaming, “Has anybody read this? Has anybody ACTUALLY READ THIS??”
  • A picture of your dean’s head on a dartboard: He’ll get the message.

Oh, but people say I’m pessimistic. What do you guys think people should bring to commencement? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Graduation is your last chance to make a statement to your law school administration before you refuse to donate money for the next 25 years. How would you make it count?


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