Have you ever walked into a chain restaurant, launched a foul-mouthed and self-entitled tirade, and then placed the whole thing “under video surveillance” to post on Facebook? If you answered yes, then HI THERE, TAYLOR CHAPMAN! If not, you’re the rest of our audience.
This is the part of the day that the “Time to Make the Donuts” commercials didn’t show. The part where an insane woman hurls racial epithets because Fred the Baker didn’t give her a receipt.
Is this woman a lawyer? Of course she’s a lawyer…
Or at least an aspiring lawyer. Taylor Chapman is a 27-year-old Florida woman who describes herself as having “my bachelor’s degree in Business & Marketing and… working towards my JD in Law now.” There’s no indication where she’s going to get this “JD in Law,” but we know she’s previously attended Nova Southeastern University, so perhaps she’s going there.
Based on the video, which Chapman recorded herself, she entered the store seeking free food because a Dunkin’ employee failed to provide her with a receipt the night before. I’m sorry, I said “a Dunkin’ employee,” while Chapman is more specific: “a complete cunt sand n**ger whore.”
Chapman sounds like a delight.
Law school debt is getting really out of control if someone is going to these lengths to get free bagels and Coolattas.
So here’s the gameplan for this post. I’m embedding the video, though I understand if folks don’t feel like watching it at the office with language like what I previewed above. So, I’ll provide a write-up of the highlights below the embed.
The best moment is undoubtedly:
As she waited for her food, Chapman remarked, “Even if they hock a loogie and shit in it I don’t even care.” She added, “‘Cause one time they pissed in my fries… literally I could smell the piss in it.”
Why doesn’t she care if the staff defecates in her food? “That’s why I’m not eatin’ this food, I’m giving it to my boyfriend.” Note to her boyfriend: Lock that s**t up and put a ring on it!
Anyway, she begins the video by telling the audience and the nice Dunkin’ employee that she encounters that “this is all being under video surveillance,” which sounds like the sort of dumb, forced disclaimer a law student would make while making a smartphone recording. She continually declares that this video is going up on Facebook and YouTube as though posting her rant on social media will topple the Dunkin’ Empire because she’s an idiot and detached from reality.
Chapman establishes her cred with the Dunkin’ staff by explaining how great she finds the day shift, limiting her ire to the night shift. I’m not sure dropping f-bombs all over the day shift conveys appreciation as much as Chapman thinks. Pleading her case to other patrons (who hilariously refuse to make eye contact like hostages), she explains that she’s given this establishment “over 100″ awesome Yelp reviews or something before “that bitch crossed my line.” That’s actually a very poignant phrasing. She doesn’t say “crossed the line,” which might suggest an objective line of good behavior, but “crossed my line,” highlighting the arbitrary and capricious world of Taylor Chapman when she’s trawling for egg sandwiches.
She explains that the night before she was not given a receipt and per store policy she’s entitled to get her order free, but the aforementioned “whore” was rude to Chapman. And Chapman seems to have a firm grasp on what constitutes rudeness.
Chapman has “already called [her] lawyer, and he is already on it,” which is either a lie or she has the most cynical file-churning lawyer ever who just indulges whatever self-absorbed whim Chapman utters as though it’s a colorable claim.
As more customers enter the store, Chapman starts catching them up on her mission. She also drops the fact that she’s “going to Mars.” Did she really say that? Yes she did, and it comes up again in the final confrontation when she realizes the woman who slighted her the previous night is ACTUALLY IN THE STORE.
“Well, guess what? This shit’s about to go live, bitch. Right on Facebook,” Chapman announces. “‘Cause I already posted what your dumb ass did last night. So I hope you’re happy with your little fucking sand n**ger self. Cause I’m about to nuke your whole f**king planet from Mars. You think ya’ll are tough big fat Arabs bombin’ the Trade Center? I’ll show you tough.
There’s not much to add to that.