Law Schools

Proto-Gunner Starts Gunning Over The Summer

So I’m going to smack around a kid right now and it’s going to seem a little mean. He’s something called a “pre-1L” at a little law school most of you have never heard of who is probably just trying to figure out how things work and how to make the most out of his educational experience.

Well, this is how things work. You send out annoying, gunner emails, those emails get sent around the community, and eventually I make fun of you. Here at Above the Law, we’re all about education. This is how people learn.

Don’t worry, I’m a parent now, I know what I’m doing. I’m not going to hurt him. I’m just going to put him in internet “time out,” so he stops emailing with scissors and doesn’t hurt himself for real later…

Our tipsters explain that Cumberland School of Law has a weird little program that allows 1Ls to start early over the summer:

At Cumberland there is a program that allows 1L’s to start with electives before the core classes start in the fall… One student, who obviously doesn’t read ATL, decided to send a select few students the email below on how to outline. The email has now left the select group of people, and the class douche lord gunner has self selected themselves.

Seriously though, if you are going to spend your summer preparing for law school in the fall, reading ATL wouldn’t be bad. There’s plenty of time to mainline Emanuel’s Contracts Outline.

The kid’s email has all of the classic “proto-signs” of future gunnering. It assumes, without asking, that people care about his thoughts, opinions, and study habits. The “help” offered is couched in a recap of the hard work that he has put in up to this point. And the email closes with the ominous threat reminder that he is in the library:

Hey everyone,

I hope this message finds everyone doing well. I have spoken previously with some of you about how to write-up a outline. I know I don’t really know and have been looking up examples and guides to gather together enough information that I could begin to develop one. I wanted to share with you all some of the links and example(s) I have come across that seem to provide some form of guidance. I know we have not talked about this in class yet (and may not) and having spoken with some you I said that I would email out what I find. If I come across anything else that appears to be helpful I will pass it on to you all. Please feel free to examine these in comparison with the material you have come across and sharing what you found. I know we each must write one for ourselves, but that does not mean we do help one another in figuring it all out. We are all in this fight together and I know we all will succeed. :)

If there is anything else I can do please let me know just holler..

P.S. For my Stoddard group: I am hoping to have some research for each of the problems done by this afternoon and will try to email you all what I have come across. (At the library now).

No buddy, there is nothing else you can “do” for anybody. And nobody will “holler” at you, they’ll just scorn you behind your back.

For all the kids out there, in case you do not know, this kind of behavior will make you no friends. Nobody actually wants to receive a mass email about your study habits, though some people will say that they do because it seems like a polite way of making you shut the hell up. YOU ARE NOT “ALL IN THIS FIGHT TOGETHER.” You are in a zero-sum game in an environment that is graded on a curve entering a scarce job market. And I think you know that already, weak, smiley-face emoticons aside.

Gunners aren’t helping everybody; they’re not even interested in helping everybody. They’re interested in being seen as the hardworking student who can “provide guidance” to others because it fits with their own outsized ego. You’ll see gunners do a lot of this kind of crap with their peers, but you won’t see them, say, offering to tutor people struggling in the class behind them for free — beyond the occasional mention that they wrote the best 1L Property outline in the universe.

But it’s not too late for our guy here, which is really why I’m posting this at all. He’s not even a 1L yet. Classes haven’t started. He doesn’t have to be this way. He doesn’t have to be known as the kid who tried to gun his way through Cumberland Law School.

Hey, I’m just trying to help him “in figuring it all out.” Let’s see how he likes it.

(hidden for your protection)

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