The pages of Above the Law are littered with lawyers who have tried to use their status as legal eagles to get out of brushes with law enforcement. Not their legal knowledge — smart lawyers who have run-ins with the law keep their mouths shut, don’t blow, and save their arguments for judges instead of arresting officers. But smart attorneys make for boring stories.
It’s the people who think that just being a lawyer will keep them out of jail who bring the real fun. Once a cop gets a look at your Cravath prestige points (or the local equivalent), he’ll just look the other way and allow you to stumble to your car.
Think of folks like the young associate who allegedly told a police officer, “You are going to… die. I’m a lawyer. You can Google me.” Or the future prosecutor who allegedly said, “I start with the Linn County Prosecutor’s Office next Tuesday. I want you to arrest me for not signing this.” Or the prominent lawyer who allegedly said, “You can’t arrest me. I represent Seattle and King County. You are making a mistake.”
Well, today we have another classy Seattle legal lady. But this one allegedly did her talking not just with her mouth, but with her anus…
The story comes to us from Komo News, and it doesn’t name the suspect. So we have no way of independently verifying whether or not his woman is actually a lawyer, or if she just allegedly claimed to be while drunk.
A bar patron, a 44-year-old woman, allegedly became drunk and belligerent and started punching a bar employee and berating customers. The cops were called, and hilarity ensued:
Officers arrived to find the suspect inside the business, swaying and leaning against the bar for support while reportedly yelling at the staff.
According to the report, the suspect was either unable or unwilling to answer an officer’s questions. The officer reports she would only repeat the phrase, “I am a lawyer; show me respect.”
After officers had handcuffed the suspect, it was discovered she had somehow managed to defecate on the bumper of a patrol car, as well as twice in the street, according to the report.
I don’t think anybody deserves respect just for being a lawyer, but managing to defecate all over everything while handcuffed is a pretty neat trick.
Let’s do a quick poll: do you think this lady is really a lawyer, or just an incontinent person who thought the stature of the legal profession might save her?
Earlier: Lawyer of the Day: Alleged Death Threats Put Attorney on Ice
Lawyer of the Day: Anne Bremner – ‘I’m famous… You can’t arrest me.’
Lawyer of the Day: Prosecutor-To-Be Mouths Off to Officer — and Loses Job