Are you kidding me with this Halloween stuff? I can’t wait till this stupid “holiday” season is over. No, I’m not changing my Twitter name to “Evil MYSTal” for a week. Stop dressing up like a slut. Stop putting costumes on your dogs. GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!
Wait… I’m being told that this isn’t a Halloween joke, this is a real complaint. Law professors are actually accusing their school of giving them a raise designed to associate them with the Antichrist. Okay, well this is funny again…
TaxProf Blog reports that professors at Cleveland-Marshall College of Law believe their dean has retaliated against them for their unionizing activities. The professors claim that merit pay raises where given in four bands: $5,000, $3,000, $666, and $0. The complaining professors claim that they were all given $0 or $666, despite excellent scholarship and other “merit” factors.
You see where this is going: John of Patmos, The Beast, 666. From TaxProf:
In a memo distributed to the central administration and copied to the entire faculty, one of the eight AAUP organizers alleges that:
[The $666 figure] is a universally understood symbol of the Antichrist or Devil — one of our culture’s most violent religious images. Implicitly, but unmistakably and obviously intentionally, [the Dean] used his powers to set faculty salaries as an occasion to brand his perceived opponents as the Antichrist.
Oh. My. God. I totally see it now. And did you also know that on the night the dean finalized the pay scale, it was a full moon???? Yeah. So you know what that means. Is is possible that the dean of Cleveland-Marshal College of Law is an ALIEN??? The answer is yes!
Or, you know, maybe it’s just “math”:
In its response to the unfair labor practice charge , the university argues:
[T]he Charging Party cannot point to a single directive, or even a reference, from the Dean to a “666” or satanic merit pay amount for certain allegedly union-active faculty members. The $666 merit award was the result of mathematical division, not anti-union animus.
Well that explains everything. Clearly, math is the devil.