‘Don’t worry babe, this woman does not exist.’

I’m not surprised that Ashley Madison, the dating website for married people who want to have an affair but apparently lack confidence or creativity, is successful. There is nothing more desperate and gullible than an unhappily married person. I mean, happily married people are basically hollowed-out ghosts who can’t order a meal without discussing it in committee. Unhappily married people treat every social event like their last night on Earth, get sloppy drunk, and try to hook up with any co-worker or friend who shows them the slightest bit of affection. There’s a big difference between a homewrecker and a building inspector who simply acknowledges a home as “condemned.”

But let’s be clear, nobody wants to have meaningless sex with a middle-aged, unhappily married man, except: middle-aged, unhappily married women, 20-somethings with Daddy issues, goldiggers and crackwhores, and bridesmaids you meet at vacation/destination weddings. That’s the complete list. Ashley Madison is built on the nearly total lie that there are attractive women looking to bang married men who need to go online to find them as opposed to any bar anywhere in America at all times.

There’s nothing illegal about inducing men to pay money to interact with people who have pretty pictures and can talk dirty, even if those people are employees who are probably unattractive and have no intention of actually meeting and having sex with you anyway. The “party line” industry has been thriving for years. But Ashley Madison might want to settle with their employees who make up fake profiles, before some sad recently divorced dude with nothing to lose sues them for fraud…

The Toronto City News reports that a woman who was allegedly hired to make 1,000 fake profiles for Ashely Madison’s Brazilian site is suing the company:

Doriana Silva is seeking $20 million from Ashley Madison for what she calls the company’s “unjust enrichment” at her expense, plus another $1 million in punitive and general damages.

In her statement of claim, Silva — a Brazilian immigrant living in Toronto — says she was hired to help launch a Portuguese-language version of the site and promised a starting salary of $34,000 plus benefits.

She was soon asked to create 1,000 “fake female profiles” meant to lure men to the new Brazilian Ashley Madison site — and given only three weeks to complete the work, the document alleges.

“The purpose of these profiles is to entice paying heterosexual male members to join and spend money on the website,” it reads.

“They do not belong to any genuine members of Ashley Madison — or any real human beings at all.”

Silva isn’t suing for fraud or anything, instead she’s claiming that her job gave her carpel tunnel syndrome. Yeah cause jerking off all these sad dudes writing a bunch of fake profiles sounds like hard work.

Even if most of the Ashley Madison “pay-to-see” profiles are fake, I’m not sure if you have a good case for fraud given Ashley Madison’s disclaimer that it is basically lying to you. Not that non-lawyer married men who have sex with their wives only on their birthdays are going to do this, but it’s pretty clear what Ashely Madison is up to if you read their terms of service:

5. Other Aspects of the Ashley Madison Service – For Your Entertainment

Our Site and our Service gives users the opportunity to explore their fantasies and to interact with others in the Site. However, there is no guarantee you will find a date or partner on our Site or using our Service. Our Site and our Service also is geared to provide you with amusement and entertainment. You agree that some of the features of our Site and our Service are intended to provide entertainment.

A. Ashley’s AngelsTM

You acknowledge and agree that some of the profiles posted on the Site are associated with our “Ashley’s AngelsTM” and may be fictitious. The purpose of our Ashley’s AngelsTM is to provide entertainment, to allow you to explore our Services and to promote greater participation in our Services. Ashley’s AngelsTM attempt to simulate communications with real members to encourage more conversation and interaction with users. We also use Ashley’s AngelsTM to monitor user communications and use of our Service to measure compliance with the Terms. Further, we may use Ashley’s AngelsTM in connection with our market research to enable us to analyze user preferences, trends, patterns and information about our customer base. Ashley’s AngelsTM are not intended to resemble or mimic any actual persons. You understand and acknowledge that we create the Ashley’s AngelsTM profiles and those profiles are not based on any user or member of our Service. A single Ashley’s AngelsTM may have more than one profile on our Service. You acknowledge and agree that the descriptions, pictures and information included in the profiles of our Ashley’s AngelsTM are not associated with a real person, but are provided primarily for your amusement.

It is very amusing to imagine the men who think these hot women really want to have sex with them.

But, boilerplate being what it is, it wouldn’t shock me if some lawyer wanted to try to bring a case against Ashley Madison. The problem is that you’d have to find a plaintiff. You’d need to find a guy who tried to cheat on his wife, failed to cheat on his wife, and is willing to detail all of his failed, pathetic attempts to cheat on his wife.

Anthony Weiner, your country needs you once again.

Woman hurt typing fake profiles for dating site, $20M suit alleges [Toronto City News]
Ashley Madison Is Riddled With 1,000 Or More Fake Profiles, Lawsuit Alleges [Business Insider]


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