Holidays and Seasons

District Attorney Busts Rudolph For Flying Under the Influence — So That’s Why His Nose Was Red…

You’d think it would be Blitzen, right?

A district attorney who failed basic PR skills has issued a press release touting the arrest of “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer” (which should be “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” but editing press releases isn’t their jam) for “Flying Under the Influence.” The office display includes a Rudolph doll ready for his mugshot. If you’re looking for a place to move, try this joint because there’s obviously no real crime whatsoever if they have time to pull this.

There are just so many things wrong with this…

The Chester County Pennsylvania District Attorney, Thomas P. Hogan, is the mastermind responsible for this tone deaf publicity stunt. Here’s the first page of the press release. Click to embiggen….

I see what you did there with the Elmo & Patsy reference. Good job.

Our tipster was a little incensed:

In light of the seriousness of driving under the influence, I thought that this was inappropriate and in extremely bad taste. Hundreds of lives are ruined by DUI every year and the District Attorney of this County seems to think it is a joking matter.

Thomas P. Hogan is serious about keeping fictional characters off our streets.

Well, yeah. Prosecutors shouldn’t be making light-hearted comedy out of crimes they are supposed to prosecute. This display says, “Hey, look at this cute transgression made by an anthropomorphic icon.” No attempt to dress up the press release with language signaling that Rudolph was being naughty will take this stunt out of the playful zone. I’ll bet the rest of the press release includes references to R.A.D.D. and “too much eggnog” and other drech that shouldn’t be issued from an office assigned to protect the public.

Even adopting the internal logic of the gag, the office is committed to letting Rudolph go by next Tuesday lest all the children of the world get left wanting. So either he gets a slap on the wrist — undermining the seriousness of the crime — or the office ruins Christmas. See how none of this makes any sense?

Moreover, why are they picking on Rudolph? There’s nothing in the iconography of Rudolph that suggests he’s a lush. Even when grandma got run over, the point was she was drunk, not the reindeer. Also, wouldn’t Santa be the driver? This is like charging a Buick for being filled with alcohol, which, come to think of it, it probably is. And why are they doing this to one of the good guys? There are loads of jackhole Christmas icons — Ebenezer Scrooge, the Grinch, Cousin Eddie — to make the perp here, there’s no reason to scar some poor kid by telling her that Rudolph is a two-time loser.

Cops and prosecutors unnecessarily harassing the ambassadors of Christmas cheer on trumped up charges? See, Megyn Kelly, Santa can be black.

More pics on the next page…

(hidden for your protection)

comments sponsored by

Show all comments