Ed. note: Please welcome Above the Law’s new poet-in-residence, Qui Tam. You can read the rest of his law-related poetry over here.

First week, the subject was an infirm professor and second week, OCI. More or less chronological, so logically, you might expect summer associate stories next, but I’ll save those for some other post.

A name came up at work today and I was reminded of some fun times, so this week the subject is partners, or a couple of them anyway…

To that Partner from Skadden (you know who you are)

You were so cool and imperious,
So condescending
Until your billion-dollar credit facility (with a $150 million revolver)
Almost didn’t close.
You kept asking for more to the last minute, overplayed your hand,
And finally my alcoholic boss, 11PM and you could hear the Bach playing in the background, hung up.
I remember your panicked call at 5AM the next morning, snorting through a nasal cold
“We can let that one go … please!”
You’ve got me to thank that deal closed and saved your ass.
You’re welcome.

To that lawyer from Irell

Life’s not all bow ties and country clubs,
And it seems to me you’re going to run out of old boys soon.
Good luck.


Qui Tam, a weekly column of poetry about the legal profession, is penned by an arrogant T1 law graduate, former Biglaw associate, and current in-house lawyer. You can reach Qui Tam by email: quitammer@hotmail.com.


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