It’s Friday, I’m in a good mood, my birthday is tomorrow, I don’t want to slam this law professor. Sure, sending out a school-wide email telling students to avoid “the college habit of celebrating your successes or failures by drinking” is ripe for mockery. But, I don’t know, it’s cute. He’s kind of trying to help. For some reason I’m imagining a professor who sounds like Elmo saying, “Elmo doesn’t like drinking to the point where he pees in his pants after assaulting a police officer. Hee-hee!”

I mean, the guy sent along the helpful “blood alcohol by weight” chart. Like, there are going to be law students who say, “You know, I didn’t realize that having three scotches in a hour might get me f**ked up….”

Here’s an excerpt from the message that Professor Richard Krisciunas sent to students at Detroit Mercy School of Law:

Congratulations! Your final exams are over. You are ready to celebrate.

If you celebrate by drinking alcohol, please remember to drink responsibly. If you are attending the end of the year SBA party, remember that after your first two free drinks, you may be putting yourself dangerously close to the .08 presumed under the influence blood alcohol level if you are stopped by the police while driving. Those “drink specials” after your first two free drinks may put you over the top.

Check the blood alcohol chart at the link below and look at your weight and the number of drinks. That third drink for males under 150 pounds puts you at .10 and for all females under 175 pounds puts you over .08.

http://oade.nd.edu/educate-yourself-alcohol/blood-alcohol-concentration/

Remember how hard you worked to become a lawyer and how disappointed you, your family and your friends would be if you graduated from law school, passed the bar but couldn’t get through Character and Fitness because you had a DUI after an end of the year school party. It happens every year. Don’t let it happen to you.

Aww… you can read the full letter on the next page. Professor Krisciunas sounds like a kindly grandfather who might give you a $5 bill to go to the picture show.

Obviously, Detroit Mercy law students know damn well what “drink specials” are for. They’re there to get you drunk. And if you are graduating from law school with no job and a lot of debt, you probably need to get used to getting drunk on the cheap. Graduating in such a situation puts you “dangerously close” to a lot of things. Sobriety isn’t one of them.

Drink up, law school grads — we’re always looking for great summer stories for Above the Law.


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