Pornography

The Most Epic Lawyer Response Ever To A Porn Star Threatening To Sue

Millionaire playboy Dan Bilzerian threw a naked woman off a roof, as millionaire playboys are wont to do. Seriously, the number of naked women hurled off Gracie Mansion during the Bloomberg years defies calculation. This woman survived and made noise about suing. That sounds reasonable enough, except apparently the woman, porn star Janice Griffith, had contracted with genteel periodical Hustler to be “picked up by nature’s handlebar” and tossed off the roof into a waiting pool. That she broke her foot in the process is, from Bilzerian’s perspective, not his fault.

Nonetheless, she suggested filing suit, and Bilzerian’s lawyer responded with one of the most epically brutal takedown letters ever.

And it’s by a lawyer you all know.

So if you want to (a) see a video (appropriately blurred out) of what we’re talking about, (b) read the hilarious letter, or (c) just find out what famed lawyer is this funny, by all means click on….

So here’s what happened:

Someone came up with the idea of lifting a woman — with no stunt training, as far as we know — from “down there” and hoisting her off a roof and then multiple other people said, “Sure, let’s f**king commit that to film!” Injury ensued. Soon afterward, Janice Griffith contacted Bilzerian’s people, asking for $85,000 for her injured foot. Thanks Obamacare.

Enter Bilzerian’s lawyer, Tom Goldstein of SCOTUSblog fame, writing a friendly letter to Janice Griffith’s attorney, Shoham Solouki. Speaking of the visual evidence, Goldstein writes:

It shows facts your client always omits: she was under contract to Hustler and agreed with Hustler’s request that she be photographed while being thrown off the roof. I always thought that this kind of thing was Photoshopped instead. Perhaps Hustler’s editorial standards would not permit it. Perhaps she insists on doing all her own stunts. I really do not know.

In all events, she agreed. Very few people I know would make that choice. But there it is. And chronologically, she’s an adult competent to make it. Hustler and your client asked Mr. Bilzerian to be the thrower, and we can all agree that was the better end of the deal.

Like your client, the facts of the claim won’t, quite, fly.

Za-zing!

But Goldstein seems genuinely happy that Janice appears to be doing much better — almost curiously better for someone who claims to have been grievously injured:

Thankfully, she does seem to be getting on. I don’t run in the same circles, but like a lot of people, I do have Twitter. And with all due respect, she over shares. I can’t bear to describe most of what is on her eponymous account, thejaniceXXX. I will save you the embarrassment of looking for yourself. Just trust me that her recent missives with the hashtags “#Deep Throat,” “#fatpussies,” & “#NSFW” (the others are SFW?) suggest that her career is gangbusters. Indeed I doubt the exclusive interviews with TMZ that have come from these events could have hurt.

The whole thing is tremendous. Total Frat Move posted a redacted copy of the letter, but Professor Josh Blackman managed to get the original version — so read the unredacted version on the next page, and hear about the porn star’s “seemingly inevitable small yappy dog….”

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