Biglaw, In-House Counsel, Partner Issues

Qui Tam: Memo To Outside Counsel

After attending a “meet and greet” dinner put on by our primary outside counsel recently, I was inspired to reflect on that sometimes tricky relationship.

There needs to be trust, but there needs to be distance too. A client perspective after the jump, but I’ve been on both sides, and I think it goes both ways. To all you outside counsel: enjoy your freedoms….

Memo To Outside Counsel

I don’t want to be your friend.
I don’t want to hear your crap.
I’m not Cuba Gooding Jr.,
And you’re not Tom Cruise.

You can take me out for golf,
Tickets to the game,
Even dinner from time to time
I’ll tolerate (if the wine is good).

But complacency is death.
And competence is all.
A lawyer is a shark
Not because of the nose for blood
(Though that helps),
But because she needs to keep on swimming.

Qui Tam, a weekly column of poetry about the legal profession, is penned by an arrogant T1 law graduate, former Biglaw associate, and current in-house lawyer. You can reach Qui Tam by email:

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