Have you ever received a bad review? Like a really, borderline mean, “oh s**t I’m gonna get fired” review? I hadn’t until I started working here. And now my bad reviews are all over the internet. That was disconcerting for a day or two. But then I learned that rum never turns around and attempts to evaluate your performance.
Of course, my reviews don’t come from the people I work for. Lalalalalalala, I can’t hear you over the sound of all of these clicks. And I’m not running for office. If I was applying for elected office, and the negative reviews of my former employers were posted on the internet, I’d be… well, I’d be this guy…
Nevada Attorney General candidate Adam Laxalt used to be an associate at Lewis & Roca. Ralston Reports got its hands on a review he was allegedly given while he was an associate there, and it’s not good. From the site:
Republican AG hopeful Adam Laxalt was described by his firm’s evaluation committee as “a train wreck” who “doesn’t even have the basic skill set,” according to a review of his performance two years ago.
The assessment by the Lewis & Roca Associate Evaluation and Compensation Committee (AECC) suggested that Laxalt attend seminars to “address basic legal principles” because of his “horrible reviews” and because he “has judgment issues and doesn’t seem to understand what to do.”
The recommendation: A “freeze in salary, deferral, and possible termination.”
Ouch. Remember this one the next time somebody tells you to trust local prosecutors.
Laxalt’s campaign office issued a curious statement to Ralston Reports:
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“The improperly and perhaps illegally leaked document today is not an evaluation that Adam Laxalt has ever seen before, and its authenticity as an official evaluation is clearly in question. Adam has been in touch with the firm this afternoon and he has been told that the process of authentication is currently underway. However, this document purporting to be an official evaluation was never given to Adam Laxalt. We will brief you with more information as soon as we have it.”
Now, it makes sense that Laxalt wouldn’t have actually seen this review in all of its glory. Firms rarely give associates the supporting documents of their reviews. Instead, they try to report the information in the most constructive way possible.
If you believe in genes and prestige, Laxalt shouldn’t be a complete waste. He went to Georgetown for college and law school, his grandfather was Paul Laxalt, former Governor and Senator from Nevada. And, apparently, he’s the illegitimate son of former New Mexico Senator Pete Domenici.
Of course, I suppose you could take all that information as evidence of a kid who can’t use his silver spoon to chew the leather.
The thing is, as the situation in Ferguson shows us, too many people are too switched off to care about the elections of their state and local prosecutors. We don’t know their records, we don’t know their histories, and we have no idea if they are skilled attorneys. And I’m talking about the people who actually show up to the polls during off year elections. Most people don’t even do that. In response to this kind of lack of information and apathy, I’m almost tempted to advocate for Governor appointments of prosecutors, to take it out of the electoral sphere.
Except that Laxalt is EXACTLY the kind of guy who would get appointed. His mom is a Washington lobbyist, his grandad was Governor, he served in the Navy, he’s absolutely the kind of guy somebody would appoint without knowing any better.
It’s all pointless. The legal system sucks. There is no Dana, only Zuul. In the play I, Claudius, Emperor Claudius surveys the fecal rot of the Roman body politic and says, “Let all the poisons that lurk in the mud, hatch out.” What he means that instead of desperately trying to make authoritarian rule barely palatable to the masses, he should instead make it as bad possible so that the people rise up and demand a better republic.
Maybe we should do that. Let’s elect Adam Laxalt. And Ted Cruz. And throw Darren Wilson a f**king parade. Let’s nuke Gaza and kill all the dolphins and teach our children to shoot before they can spell. LET’S ALL WATCH MICHAEL BAY MOVIES.
I’m going to drink. Maybe one of my white neighbors can shoot me for drunkenly taking out my trash while black. F**k it.
AG hopeful Laxalt was described in law firm evaluation as a “train wreck,” borderline incompetent to practice [Ralston Reports]