Biglaw, Pregnancy / Paternity

Biglaw Mommy: Stop Calling It 'Vacation' Already

Maternity leave isn't a joke. Please ask your law firm colleagues to stop treating it like one.

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It’s finally time for me to tackle a topic that, honestly, I’ve been avoiding: maternity leave. I take on this subject with no small amount of trepidation, in part because I’m well aware that family leave policies have become a hot button social and political issue — which, while I applaud President Obama for finally shining a spotlight on the issue, is embarrassingly long overdue — but even more so because I fear I won’t do it justice. I really feel that, given enough time and sufficient resources, I could write a book on the subject, although I’m sure others have or are in the process of doing so.

Unfortunately, I am a Biglaw mommy with barely enough time to write approximately 1,200 words extra every week. I have neither the time nor the resources to pay the subject of maternity leave its due. That being said, I’d like to throw my two cents in here because I think this might be one of the most significant issues that working mothers face, as well as one of the most misperceived. Please bear with me, this is long, but I think it’s a topic that deserves some extra words.

First, a few facts. Most of you probably already know this if you read any form of news media, but I’ll reiterate for the sake of emphasis. (Also, I’m going to poach from other news articles; see statement above regarding lack of time.)

  • The U.S. and Papua New Guinea are the only two countries in the world that don’t have some form of legally protected, partially paid time off for working women who’ve just had a baby. The U.S. is the only industrialized country with absolutely no national paid leave requirement.
  • The only (federal) legal requirement in the U.S. for any kind of leave related to the birth of a child is the Family Medical Leave Act, which is severely limited: Women are entitled to 12 weeks of (a) unpaid leave (and how many women are in a position to afford that?), only if they have worked (b) for a company with 50 or more employees for (c) a minimum of 1,250 hours in the previous 12-month period. Based on the numbers I’ve seen, (d) only about half of working Americans are covered.
  • Only four states have passed laws requiring any form of paid maternity leave (shout-outs to California, New Jersey, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island).
  • The state of paternity leave in this country is laughable. Dads may be able to take unpaid family leave, but very few employers offer any form of paid paternity leave. (Bravo to Goldman Sachs for now offering four weeks of paid leave to non-primary family caregivers. It’s progress.)

There are so many things that bother me about our country’s pathetic excuse for — and disturbing attitude towards — maternity leave that I don’t even know where to start. I don’t understand how America, a country that prides itself on being a world leader, the bringer of democracy to struggling countries and a beacon of hope and progress (or something along those lines), can see how far behind literally the entire world we are with respect to family leave and not react with shock and embarrassment. How does that fact alone not spur immediate change? I hate to get political, recognizing that this is an issue with many facets and it’s easy to oversimplify, but maybe it has something to do with certain of those in our country’s tendencies to dismiss things like paid leave as “socialist” (kind of like we dismiss most of the other good things that Europe and other countries do). In capitalist America, we don’t give out things like weeks and weeks of paid leave. It’s bad for business!

Except, maybe it’s not. A 2011 study by California’s Center for Economic Policy and Research found that after the state implemented legally required paid leave, 91% of businesses reported that it had a positive impact on profitability or otherwise no impact (i.e., almost no one reported any negative effect whatsoever). In Rhode Island and New Jersey as well, two of the other states with legal paid leave entitlements, economists have found that offering paid leave reduces workforce attrition. Maybe paid leave doesn’t increase profitability, but it doesn’t look like it’s hurting anyone.

I don’t know about you, but all those facts and figures paint a pretty depressing picture, as well as puzzling. Really, WHY can’t the U.S. get it together and figure out what the rest of the world realized a long time ago? Having a baby is a big deal, and offering paid leave is simply… humane. Not to mention it’s consistent with this country’s (supposed) view that keeping women in the workforce is something to be prioritized and valued.

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I have to think that maybe the higher-ups, the decision-makers, the <cough> oldwhitedudes <cough> don’t appreciate why, exactly, maternity leave is so important. I find it hard to believe that no one (like their wives/family members/friends) has told them, but it seems to be true, given the number of times I’ve heard people just in law firms refer to maternity leave as a “vacation.” (Cue rage blackout.) Let me enlighten you.

Maternity leave is not a vacation. First of all, no vacation I’ve ever been on starts with one of the most painful things a woman will ever experience. Childbirth is, by and large, traumatic. It’s scary and stressful, it often doesn’t unfold how you expect, and it just plain hurts. (To the women out there who say their childbirth experiences were wonderful and full of love and rainbows, I don’t doubt you, but I’ve never met one of you. You might be mythical.)

After birth, I don’t care how it happens, many (if not most) women are still in a great deal of pain. Natural birth is hard enough, especially because many women still end up with snips and stitches that take time to heal. I know women who could barely walk for weeks after a natural delivery. Moreover, if you have a C-section, the recovery is brutal — and according to the CDC, over 30% of all births in the U.S. now occur via C-section. I think people tend to be somewhat dismissive of how serious a C-section is precisely because it’s so common, but don’t be mistaken. It is major, major surgery. Post-C-section, women are not supposed to do almost anything for six weeks, including exercise, lift anything heavier than the baby, or drive. (Which means, by the way, that for the many women in this country who have no maternity leave available to them, they can’t even DRIVE TO WORK for six weeks.) On top of that, what’s the one thing your body needs to heal from major physical trauma? Sleep, and let me tell you, you ain’t getting it.

Sleep. At this point, we’ve all read so many articles and studies about the importance of sleep that I’m not going to waste time looking up numbers and statistics. Everyone knows that prolonged periods of extreme sleep deprivation lead to significant mental and physical impairment. Sleep deprivation is commonly used as a form of torture. And that explains why, when you have a newborn, you really do feel at times like you’re being tortured. You come home from the hospital, physically depleted and emotionally overwhelmed (because you’re bringing home a new life that you now are solely responsible for keeping alive), and you don’t get to sleep. It is a fact that the majority of newborns, for the first weeks of their lives, only sleep 2-3 hours at a time. They are not on a day/night sleep cycle yet. They wake up every 2-3 hours, around the clock. And you have to feed them every time they wake up, and feeding a newborn can take up to an hour. So for a new mom, you are very lucky to get more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep at a time. And this goes on for weeks, if not months.

This is NOT A JOKE. I can’t stress this enough. New moms are not just “tired.” I don’t care how busy the junior corporate associate in Biglaw is, I don’t care if you had to pull two all-nighters in a row, because you still have not experienced the level of tired that new moms feel. Because after those two all-nighters, you get to go home and sleep for multiple consecutive hours. Even if you only get to sleep for 7 hours before going back to work, new moms do not EVER get 7 consecutive hours of sleep. (And this doesn’t change, by the way. My baby is a good sleeper and I still don’t think I’ve gotten 7 consecutive hours of sleep more than three times in the last year.) So how can a woman be expected to function at work, much less perform well, when she literally can’t sleep? Depending on your job, it is actually dangerous to work under these conditions. The obvious way for a new mom to stay healthy and sane during this time is to, as they always tell you, sleep when the baby sleeps — around the clock. Hard to do when you’re clocking in full days at the office a few weeks after birth.

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And another thing. Most women, after giving birth, will experience major emotional and psychological swings. In most instances, this can be chalked up to “baby blues,” which are real and the result of extreme hormonal changes, as well as, you know, the fact that you just experienced one of the most life-altering things that will ever happen to you. Baby blues can be rough, causing uncontrollable mood swings, constant crying, etc. But if all you experience is baby blues, you’re lucky, because postpartum depression is also real. It’s chemical, its existence is undeniable, and it is debilitating. The American Psychological Association estimates that up to 16% of women experience postpartum depression. It is a serious mental health problem and one that still does not receive enough attention or recognition. Women need time to heal and recover, not be thrown back into a stressful work environment immediately.

I could go on, except I’m already straining the limits of an acceptable column length. But let me say one more thing. Biglaw certainly has a ways to go in terms of improving the environment for working mothers, but this is one area where Biglaw is so far ahead of the game. Above the Law recently published the results of a survey of Biglaw maternity leave offerings, and it’s impressive. The vast majority of firms surveyed offer a minimum of 12 weeks of paid leave (at full salary), and I know in many instances attorneys can add accrued vacation to extend their leave. Most Biglaw lawyers I know were able to take as many as 4-6 months of paid maternity leave. This is a huge step in the right direction, and I can only hope that other companies — and maybe someday, even our laws — will follow.

Earlier: How Is Your Firm’s Parental Leave Policy?

Mommy Dear, Esq. is a senior Biglaw associate in NYC by day and a new mommy by evening, weekend, and 3:30 a.m. She’s currently trying to “have it all,” “lean in,” and sometimes even cook dinner. Mommy Dear, Esq. is very, very tired. You can email her at mommydearesq@gmail.com.

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