Don't Worry, You Can Practice Mindfulness And Still Be A Jerk

Before you conjure up stereotypes about crystal rubbing, sage burning, tree hugging, or whatever your idea of mindfulness is, do yourself a favor and learn something about it.

In case you missed it, there was a cover story in the Wall Street Journal on mindfulness in the legal profession. It’s fair to say that when the WSJ is writing about mindfulness in law, it’s gone mainstream. I was interviewed and quoted in the article, and I’ll admit, I got a little teary eyed when I saw my name on the cover of the WSJ. Not bad for an immigrant “salon girl.”

In the July issue of the ABA Journal, there was an article titled How lawyers can avoid burnout and debilitating anxiety, citing meditation and mindfulness as one of the strategies for managing burnout and anxiety. Yes, I was quoted in that article too, along with my favorite ATL columnist, Will Meyerhofer.

Mindfulness is also gaining momentum in mainstream media. For those of you who watched Mad Men, you’ll recall Don Draper finally finding inner peace and calm after attending a meditation retreat at Big Sur, California. The inspiration for the tranquil retreat center depicted in the show is called Esalen, and I’ll be leading a lawyer’s retreat there from February 26-28, 2016.

When I talk to lawyers about mindfulness and meditation, some express skepticism or contempt for the idea. They show disdain for it despite lacking knowledge or information. You know we have a word for that? It’s called ignorance.

Before you dismiss mindfulness or meditation as something “woo woo” or conjure up your stereotypes about crystal rubbing, sage burning, tree hugging, or whatever your idea of mindfulness is, do yourself a favor and learn something about it. Go and read a book. Go read a scientific study. Give it a try for yourself. One book I recommend for the skeptics is by Dan Harris, 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works–A True Story (affiliate link). He wrote the book after having a panic attack on live television then found mindfulness as a way to cope with the overwhelming stress and anxiety.

My husband and law partner, Jeff Curl, who took the mindfulness class at Stanford multiple times wrote an article about the resistance among lawyers against mindfulness. He’s a typical, skeptical lawyer. He’s the first to admit his hesitancy. As he puts it:

When my wife first told me about mindfulness some years ago, I initially dismissed it as some woo woo crystal-rubbing thing. I attended a mindfulness class in large part to humor her.

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Despite the popular belief that mindfulness is about getting along and playing nice, it’s not that at all. Meditation is a training tool for the mind. Just as you can train your body for optimal health and peak performance, you can train your mind.

Mindfulness, which means to live in the present moment or in the here and now, will improve your ability to be more attuned to your own emotions and others’. These are soft skills that many attorneys seem to dismiss as being valueless. As Curl explains:

Some lawyers assume that developing a “soft skill” like meditating for twenty minutes a day somehow means your deposition, oral argument, briefing, and other client advocacy hard skills must suffer. Why? When I swim laps, I am maintaining my body. Meditation is essentially swimming mental paths to create resiliency.

Lawyers fear that if they become more mindful, it will mean that they’ll have to play nice, get along, and lose their edge. Again, this fear completely misunderstands mindfulness. The U.S. Army, U.S. Marines, and sports teams like the Seattle Seahawks are teaching mindfulness and meditation. It trains your mind to stay calm and centered in high-stress, high-stakes situations. It is hard to imagine a more high-stressed situation than war, or playing in the Superbowl. Are these folks tree hugging, holding hands, and singing Kumbaya? Of course not.

Just like being in an abusive relationship, some lawyers get off by constantly walking around life looking for every opportunity to be an a-hole. And I have great news for you. You can sharpen your mind to engage in more a-hole-like behaviors by practicing mindfulness and meditation, just like you can become a better marksman by improving your focus and concentration.

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When your mind operates at 150 mph, you tend to see the world as a dangerous place where every interaction with your opposing counsel is a fight to the death. When you get out of the constant state of fight-or-flight, you may find that actually leading with kindness, empathy, compassion, and all the other soft skills they don’t teach you in law school is better. As pointed out in this New York Times article, being mean, rude, demoralizing, and uncivil actually leads to worse outcomes than if you lead with kindness.

As far as those who seem to just love criticizing mindfulness — something they’ve never tried, learned about, or have any meaningful understanding of — here’s some advice for you from Curl:

Some lawyers are dismissive of mindfulness because they view mindfulness as an abstract, trendy piece of fluff. I actually sympathize with that. The solution: Don’t meditate, and don’t read about it if you have determined it’s a waste or just not for you. There are numerous ways you can engage in some form of self-care (or not). And mindfulness may not even work for you. Or it may work, but maybe it’s not worth the time and effort in comparison to other pursuits. Great, have a party. Move on.

I’ll finish this post with talking about urinal cakes. Being a woman, I don’t have any experience with this, but Curl shared this analogy:

Yes, urinal cakes. You know, those dumb things at the bottom of the urinal. For those that do not know, each time someone relieves themselves upon the little puck thingy, it is supposed to deodorize and clean the urinal simultaneously. That is great in theory, except anyone with functioning nostrils know they can smell worse than the offending fluid, and often just stain the porcelain. Fun fact: for the longest time, the “cakes” were comprised in part of benzenes and other chemicals that are carcinogenic.

The humble little urinal cake fails to deliver on its intended purpose, and, is in fact superfluous. Hypercritical know-it-alls that get their ya-yas by dedicating inordinate amounts of time attacking other attorneys are the urinal cakes of our profession. Your stated intention of weeding out the baddies in our profession is not well-served. It’s a shame that the knowledge and wisdom that many of these attorneys possess is overshadowed by the narcissistic need to craft another clever swipe at the target of the day.

The proudly self-styled curmudgeon lawyers that spend their time mob-criticizing other lawyers online need to own it for what it is. You are not helping the profession, nor is that the intention. You’re not even a modern urinal cake; you’re the old cakes that inject carcinogens into the profession.

So how about you come out of the closet and just say it? Spending your days attacking other attorneys as a self-deputized sheriff guarding your pretend lawyer insane asylum is your form of mental masturbation. Let’s agree to drop the pretext, shall we?

Wear your emperor’s clothes proudly.

You can read the rest of his post here.


Jeena Cho is co-founder of JC Law Group PC, a bankruptcy law firm in San Francisco, CA. She is also the author of the upcoming American Bar Association book, The Anxious Lawyer: An 8-Week Guide to a Happier, Saner Law Practice Using Meditation (affiliate link), as well as How to Manage Your Law Office with LexisNexis. She offers training programs on using mindfulness and meditation to reduce stress while increasing focus and productivity. She’s the co-host of the Resilient Lawyer podcast. You can reach her at smile@theanxiouslawyer.com or on Twitter at @jeena_cho.