Job Searches

How To Make Your Résumé Shine For Racist, Homophobic, Misogynists

A legal recruiter pens a fantastic screed explaining the virtues of keeping your mouth shut if you're not a straight white guy.

By  
on

America’s favorite windbag of a legal recruiter, Harrison Barnes, is back with a lengthy screed of career advice that boils down to “be a straight white guy.” Advice that, admittedly, has always worked out for me. That said, it’s not exactly something everyone can pull off. Moreover, it’s not something anyone should have to put up with from an employer, much less stomach from a recruiter whose job is supposed to be getting you a position at a good fit and not getting someone you aren’t a job with an employer who will secretly loathe you once Barnes finishes cashing his check.

And yet, just check out his latest string of mind droppings on your job search. It’s not all bad advice. There are some gems about avoiding typos and how nobody gives a good goddamn about your undergrad thesis topic. All probably true. But then there’s the long diatribe about not “fitting in” as a nice, generic straight white guy that’s all kinds of disturbing.

Here’s just one of the items that Barnes tells applicants they must excise from their résumés:

Member of the gay law students association. There is nothing wrong with being gay (and proud of it!) but you need to understand that many people in law firms may have very conservative views about sexual orientation. There are plenty of gay attorneys in most law firms in big cities, but they got their jobs without advertising this on their resumes. There are people in every law firm that have prejudices against gays. Why would you put this on your resume?

Oh my. Are there bigots in law firms? Sure. There are partners who publicly proclaim, “Gay people are entitled to live their lives like anyone else. But don’t throw it in my face or pretend that it’s natural or normal.” But if you belonged to the law school LGBT organization, you don’t want to work at a place that thinks that’s a problem.

And where does Barnes get this: “but they got their jobs without advertising this on their résumés.” Really? There aren’t any gay lawyers who put their LGBT student activities on their résumés? Or major Biglaw firms that recruit LGBT law students? I’m incredulous.

But the cavalcade of offensive assumptions doesn’t stop:

Sponsored

Member of the Black Law Students Association. Sadly, many law schools and recruiters urge people to put their race on their resumes so they will be more likely to be hired. Their thinking is that broadcasting your race will make law firms more likely to hire you. What if the firm has recently been sued for racial discrimination? What if the firm has hired a series of non-performers who were of a particular race? Your objective is to get a job. My experience has shown: If I send out two equally qualified attorneys who are black (same practice area, caliber of law schools and law firms), and one has a bunch of stuff about their race on their resume and the other does not, the person without the racial information is more likely to get interviewed and hired. Discrimination? Maybe. Or, it could just be that the law firm does not like the person playing the “race card” to try and get a leg up on the competition. Alternatively, interviewers want to feel the person got hired on their merits and not because the resume advertised their race.

“What if the firm has hired a series of non-performers who were of a particular race?” Like how a bunch of underperforming white guys scares a firm off white people? No, that never happens. But because every African-American is automatically vested with the title, “Mayor of Black People,” they have to watch what they put on that résumé.

While Barnes casts his insights from behind the shield of “I don’t like it, but this is the real world,” each successive cringeworthy, barely warranted assumption he writes makes you think, “Is this the ‘real world,’ or the way you think the ‘real world’ works? And if it’s the latter, then maybe you’re the one with the problem.”

Member of the Muslim Law Students Association. Same logic as above. Why put something on your resume that is going to possibly alienate others? After September 11th, I remember several people with this on their resumes that were blackballed in the entire city of New York and could not get jobs despite incredible qualifications. Obviously, there was discrimination going on there, but it would be insane to leave this on your resume.

Obviously Barnes isn’t endorsing this kind of discrimination, he’s only reporting that such unfortunate prejudices exist in other people.

Sponsored

Quick aside to a former Barnes article:

One day I was sitting in my office and a young Pakistani man with a beard and wearing traditional Muslim dress (head piece and so forth) showed up for an interview that had been scheduled. It was 6:00 pm on a Friday night and I was the only one in the office. I looked up from whatever I was doing and saw him standing in the doorway of my office. It frightened the heck out of me and he appeared so out of sorts for the area I thought he might be there to kill me – or I might already be dead.

Moving on…

Member of the Jewish Law Students Association. Anything that can alienate others should be removed from your resume.

Barnes wisely begs off going into detail about why “Jewish” would be a problem. Why don’t I take a stab at it in his voice: “Why would you remind a potential employer that you’re a member of the international banking conspiracy? Obviously, that would be horrible discrimination, but you can never tell if some people just haven’t gotten over that killing Christ thing, ya know.”

Married mother of three. “Married? You are gorgeous but not that qualified. I’m moving on. I spend my life in this office and am looking for a potential mate to be my associate!”

What. The. F**k? Take a second to mull over the implication here: “your potential employer may be angling to sexually harass you… make sure he thinks he can so you can be rewarded with a job working for this creep!” I’ve beat the drum of “if anyone thinks this stuff you might not want to work there,” but this is a pretty egregious example since he’s literally asking women to lie for the honor of being bait for a legal-eagle Pepe Le Pew.

Never a good idea to put this on your resume. Don’t kill the messenger here (this is just how many attorneys think).

Really? Who thinks this? What is “projecting” again?

Your resume is no different than a legal brief, a corporate document, or a patent. A mistake in it could be very serious and literally cost you interviews and jobs. Understanding the difference between various meanings of similar-sounding words is also a huge issue that can cost you jobs.

Good advice. But as a commenter pointed out, Barnes earlier wrote:

Nothing can get you disqualified from getting hired more easily that stupid formatting errors.

D’oh.

Let’s take a second to give Barnes the benefit of the doubt. The world is still rife with discrimination.

Fine.

But perpetuating a cynical marketing strategy that treats women and minorities as taboos best avoided in polite company is hardly doing anyone any favors. Under the Barnes logic, every TV show and commercial should limit itself to generic Aryan supermen. After all, why put something out there that could possibly alienate others? And deviating from white heteronormative males is the very thing described — in multiple bullet points, no less — as “alienating.” But why grant that mindset — to the extent it’s still rampant in firm hiring — any intellectual currency? Beyond getting Barnes a referral check, of course.

Back to the TV example, TV doesn’t play whitebread any more because it turns out diversity sells. It also turns out that broadcasting diversity, while alienating some, tends to generate acceptance. Don’t remove your activities from your résumé just because they identify who you are.

Maybe it costs you a job somewhere — if it does, you don’t want to work there anyway — but embracing the idea that identity isn’t something to be ashamed of is going to go a lot further in improving the workplace than cowering in fear.

6 Things Attorneys and Law Students Need to Remove from Their Resumes ASAP If They Want to Get Jobs with the Most Prestigious Law Firms [BCG Attorney Search]
Lavender Law Career Fair: 2015 Recruiters [National LGBT Bar Foundation]

Earlier: Legal Recruiter Fails To Understand Hiring Process, Basic Social Conventions
If You Care About Work-Life Balance, You’re A Bad Person
Biglaw Partner’s Social Media FAIL

Topics

, , , , , , , , , , ,