Harry Reid Files Lawsuit Over His Wilted Sex Life

Everything you never wanted to know about Senator Reid's sex life!

There are few better symbols for impotence in American politics than Senator Harry Reid. Hitherto, I’d always distilled the Nevadan’s lackluster leadership to the day he cried on the Senate floor about how he killed filibuster reform because Mitch McConnell promised him the Republicans would stop filibustering everything and then — gasp — double-crossed him. If The Untouchables introduced us to the concept of “bringing a knife to a gun fight,” Harry Reid’s the guy who bakes crumpets for The Purge.

But now the impotence metaphor reaches new heights with news that Harry Reid (technically his wife) is suing a rubber band manufacturer for loss of consortium.

Jesus.

For those who don’t remember, Ken Cosgroved himself after he slipped and fell while trying to exercise with a rubber band called the TheraBand.

This story was so chock-full of incompetence that conservatives actually refused to believe it, instead spreading the rumor that Las Vegas mobsters roughed up the Senator, which might be the only story dumber than “I got hurt trying to exercise with a rubber band.” It’s trite to just bemoan partisan gridlock in Washington — if you want to get into the DNA of what’s wrong with Washington, recognize that the leader of the Democrats admitted to rank buffoonery and the conservatives refused to accept it and raised the stakes to mafioso beating. There is literally no gift horse too good for these people.

So Harry Reid is looking for $50K (plus the usual interest, cost, fees, etc.) in damages for his injuries. And that’s where his wife Landra Gould gets into the mix.

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52. At the time of the accident complained of in this Complaint, Plaintiffs were married and continue to be married.

53. As a result of the negligent act(s) of the Defendants, Plaintiff, LANDRA GOULD, was caused to suffer, and will continue to suffer a loss of consortium.

54. All of the aforesaid injuries and damages were caused solely and proximately by the negligence of the Defendant.

When a 75-year-old man breaks his face and ribs, obviously consortium isn’t in the cards. But Landra Gould alleges she “will continue to suffer a loss of consortium.” This raises two very important questions:

1. What the hell did this thing do to “The Junior Senator from the great state of Nevada”?

2. Which Torts professor is already writing up this 1L exam question?

Anyway, good luck to Reid and his wife, and remember, worst case scenario he could join former Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole hawking certain pharmaceuticals.

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(Check out the whole suit on the next page…)

Harry Reid Is So Pissed at This Rubber Band (UPDATE: For Ruining His Sex Life) [Gawker]
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