Biglaw, Romance and Dating

Even Biglaw Lawyers Deserve Love

Before you get uber depressed over the lonely life you're living and prepare to die alone surrounded by your bestest cat friends, there is hope.

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nerd loveIs Biglaw a place where love goes to die? With the insane hours and stress required to survive, much less thrive, it is easy to let existing relationships wither and die. And if you are actually looking to start a romantic relationship, well, you’d best plan to sleep when you’re dead because there is little other time available to do so.

Before you get uber depressed over the lonely life you’re living and prepare to die alone surrounded by your bestest cat friends, there is hope. In the last Modern Love column of 2015, we get the love story of Susan M. Gelles and the winding path that took her from awkward associate to happy coupledom.

Her story begins at Biglaw, stuck, like so many first-year associates, sharing an office:

After spending my 20s as a would-be musician, I attended law school in New York City. I graduated owing about $100,000 in student loans. Luckily, I found a job at a terrific but demanding law firm, where I was assigned to share an office with an associate named Daniel.

Daniel and I bonded as soldiers who share a trench during wartime do. We were both shy, but working together on days, nights and weekends has a way of breaking down reserve. He would send me fake emails from terrifying law partners, and I’d jump out of empty offices and startle him.

We had no romantic connection, but we talked each other through our relationship messes. We agreed that socializing in unstructured settings was particularly frightening. Thus, we hid in our office and avoided the firm’s weekly cocktail hour. The prospect of schmoozing with unfamiliar co-workers put us both in a defensive crouch.

If this was a romcom, you’d expect sparks to be flying between the officemates by the third act, but alas, this is real life. After escaping from Biglaw, she stays in touch with her dear friend Daniel. He, um, reminds her to go to a singles mixer — even though Gelles hates them. She goes and meets another lawyer, natch. She insults her would-be suitor, but they still fall in lurv and have babies.

Cool story, right, bro? But what’s the takeaway?

When I ask myself how I managed to get so lucky, I think: Because my life in music didn’t work out. Because I went to an expensive law school even though I had no money. Because I needed a well-paying job. Because the law firm assigned me Daniel as an officemate. Because Daniel sent me that email reminder.

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But, you know, also put yourself out there, even when it scares you. Then maybe Biglaw can be part of your path to true love.

Single, and Surrounded by a Wall of Men [New York Times]

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