When I Was Too Afraid To Speak, Justice Scalia Was There For Me

Law school isn't a fun place to be if you are a closeted conservative.

ScaliaYou never really know for sure how someone’s death will affect you until it happens. But I have to admit to feeling a bit surprised last Saturday when, after learning about Justice Scalia’s death, I felt crushed. I spent the night tearing up as I watched the old 60 Minutes segments where Leslie Stahl interviewed the now deceased Supreme Court judge.

Why did I feel such a strong connection to Justice Scalia? It’s not like I ever clerked on the federal court or, like David Lat, had a chance to interview for a Supreme Court clerkship with Justice Scalia.

Here’s the thing: law school wasn’t a fun place to be if, like me, you were a closeted conservative. As a yarmulke-donning Jew who was already married with a child on the way, I had probably already been flagged as “likely to hold conservative opinions.” But I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut. There was no reason that my professors or (worse) my classmates needed to know with certainty what I actually believed. I’m sure some of you will roll their eyes at me and suggest that I’m overdramatizing the left leaning fascism of NYU Law, but I would often have other students confide in me that they voted Republican or subscribed to conservative ideology, as if it was some awful crime. Friends of mine even told me that they would openly espouse hard left ideology during lectures and legal writing, just to play it safe and avoid suspicion. Were these people also delusional?

I’m ashamed to admit that on one or two occasions, I did the same.

And who was the scourge of my left leaning professors and classmates? None other than Justice Scalia. The mere mention of his name would cause visceral reactions in the class room. I used to take such pleasure (quietly, mind you) as others took such offense to Justice Scalia’s opinions often causing them to contort their bodies and faces in disgust. But, when I felt too scared to speak up and voice my would-be opinions or provoke what should have been healthy intellectual debates, Justice Scalia was there for me with his Catholic casuistry which so often reminded me of complex Talmudic analysis from my days in yeshiva. You could be disgusted by Scalia; it was harder to dismiss him.

Looking back, I’m sorry I didn’t speak up more often and defend Scalia’s opinions. As it was, I didn’t get very good grades anyway or make too many long lasting relationships during law school, so I might as well have gone down swinging. But I can take solace that somewhere out there, other young conservatives or originalists who are too afraid to speak up in law school will have Justice Scalia’s opinions and legacy, which will continue endure longer than Justice Scalia himself.

P.S. Don’t hate me for being conservative, it’s how God made me.

Sponsored