Lawyer's Douchey Response To His Child's Teacher Is Everything Wrong With Lawyers
Reality check: Law degrees do not mean you are always right.
It’s back to school time! And that means there is one more arena in which lawyers can choose to flex their douche muscles.
Today’s story is about a lawyer who sent a letter to his daughter’s teacher, and the letter has the top three markings of jerk lawyer behavior:
1. Reminding the addressee that they are, in fact, a lawyer, when it has nothing to do with the issue at hand;
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2. Demonstrating the use of legal standards, when, again, they have nothing to do with the issue at hand; and
3. Undue argumentativeness.
Now, let’s set the scene.
We have a high school student, who, for purposes of this story we’ll call Signing Sally. She gets a syllabus from her Biology teacher, who tells her to have the syllabus signed by her parents. Signing Sally signs her mom’s name on the syllabus. Only teacher finds out, and tells Signing Sally to have her parents write a letter indicating Sally has been spoken to about her dishonesty.
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But rather than have a discussion with their daughter about honesty and expectations in a classroom, Sally’s parents — or at least her father, an attorney — lash out at the teacher for the presumption that Signing Sally was being dishonest. He trots out the excuse that Mom knew about the forgery and, indeed, told Sally to go ahead and sign her name to avoid being late returning the syllabus.
Take a quick gander at the letter, redacted to protect the identity of the student, and then we can break it down.
Why do lawyers insist on writing these everyday communications on law firm letterhead (though it has been redacted to protect the identity of the student here)? It’s like an advertisement that you’re a jerk lawyer who assumes everyone you deal with is dumber than you. Also signing it “Managing Attorney”? There is no need to sign a letter to their child’s teacher this way. The infinitely more relevant title would be “Signing Sally’s Dad.”
And the bullsh*t string of letters after his signature — “Esq., JD, MBA”? This isn’t a Motion to Dismiss no matter how hard you’re trying, dude. And heads up — actual elite lawyers would never be caught dead writing anything more than “Esq.”
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Truth time: stringing together your educational qualifications isn’t enough improve your daughter’s grade and reads as nothing more than an attempt to bully or intimidate the teacher into getting your way. This isn’t how you teach your child about honesty or integrity. It also demonstrates a distinct lack of respect for the teacher and her perspective, and let’s be clear — the teacher is the authority figure in this scenario, not you.
Reality check: Law degrees do not mean you are always right.
What really gets me is Daddy’s insistence that little Sally hasn’t been dishonest. Sure, he asserts Mom knew about Sally’s burgeoning career as a forger, but Sally presented the document to her teacher as if Mom had signed it herself. That Sally was deliberately attempting to deceive the teacher just goes right over Dad’s head.
As Dad asserts, there may indeed be instances in life or his law practice where someone needs to sign someone else’s name, but that is generally done with a signature/initials format so that it is clear to the recipient exactly who did the signing. Covering up that detail is the dishonesty the teacher is concerned about.
And note how quickly Mr. Big-Shot-Lawyer-Man is to bring in the legal standard for forgery. No one said Sally should be convicted of a crime, just that she isn’t being honest in presenting the form as if signed by Mom. No raging about the deadline to turn in the form or the technicalities Daddy Dearest tries to dredge up will change that fact.
Maybe the punishment is a bit severe for the crime, fine, then talk about that. If Sally demonstrates actual remorse and a commitment to being honest in the future, I’m sure that would go a lot further than an angry letter from her Daddy.
Kathryn Rubino is an editor at Above the Law. Feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments and follow her on Twitter (@Kathryn1).
