It’s that time of year when you 1Ls are at your most vulnerable. You may be starting to get some feedback from professors. Your colleagues may be offering unsolicited opinions about your performance in class. Worse yet, self-doubt may be creeping in. At a time when self-esteem is most needed in law school, it might be at its lowest level. If you’re feeling this way, this column is for you.
The first person who might greet you in an unpleasant manner is usually the fellow 1L. Riddled with self-doubt, this person will sometimes appear to be the opposite –filled with supreme confidence. This “critic” will tell you that your in-class performance wasn’t good, or that you weren’t very clear, or that you didn’t read carefully, or that you — hey wait, why does this person think he’s the professor? Regardless, if you’re not careful, the critic will shred your self-esteem. Because, after all, if one person is thinking that, isn’t everyone?
To quote a one-time presidential candidate: “Wrong.” The critic is not an expert on your performance in law school. He may also be compensating for his own lack of self-esteem by tearing down others to make himself feel better. Or worse, he may be doing it intentionally because he views you as a threat to his GPA and is trying to take you out. Don’t let him win. More on that later.
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The second person to shred your self-esteem is the professor. Did you get a midterm grade that wasn’t what you expected? Did the professor say something in class that seemed to suggest that you were stupid? Or did the professor flat-out belittle you? It usually isn’t the latter category, unless your professor is a narcissist.
If you feel that your professor thinks you are stupid for something you said in class, read here. Most of the time, professors aren’t making judgments as to what you’re thinking. We’re trying to get you to think, and then get you to a certain way of thinking. After class, we’ll likely not remember what you said.
But if you’re worried about it, you can ask. I strongly caution against this for a couple of reasons, however. Unless your professor is the compassionate type, you’re unlikely get the answer you want. You see, law professors are kind of socially awkward. We also have our own insecurities, and you just aren’t strong enough yet to take THAT on.
The last group of people who will attack you is: EVERYONE. Yes, at some point, you might realize that everyone thinks you are stupid. Realize that the attack you’re facing now is really from yourself. Objectively, you realize you can barely get a study group to agree on a time to meet, let alone an overall appraisal of a human being. Realize further that your colleagues are too wrapped up in their own insecurities to spend much time thinking about you. Finally, realize: Who cares? Why do their opinions matter so much to you?
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After the first semester, it is easy to see the changes in self-appraisal that happens to 1Ls. Those who once spoke in class with stentorian voice are silenced. Those who never spoke before now speak with authority. The only thing that has changed is that some have had their egos boosted by good grades, while others have been taken down by less than perfect performance. One letter has changed personalities, whether it be an A, or a B, or worse. It’s a terrible way to boost an ego, basing it solely on external validation.
How does one handle all of these “attacks?” If it is from a peer, use a short, positive response. You’re being bullied. Use the BIFF (brief, informative, friendly, and firm) approach described here, only in oral format. No need to get into a flame war. You don’t have time for that, and it will only cause more unnecessary drama. Plus, being positive is always annoying to those trying to tear you down.
With respect to professors, focus on ways to improve your performance by getting some specific feedback about any written materials or by clarifying questions you have regarding class concepts. If you have a graded paper, you can use it to improve. Regardless of your grade, this is the ONE time you should focus on the negative, but with the specific purpose of turning it into a positive. What can you do to improve? What did you miss? Are there things for which you need a better grasp? Feedback here is crucial, and is the only time you should focus on the negative.
That doesn’t mean you should dwell on the negative in a pity party, however. It means you should learn from your mistakes so that you improve. That’s hard to do if you don’t make any mistakes. But few of us ever achieved such deified status in law school.
If the attack is from within, then think about ways to build your self-esteem internally. The most dangerous person to your academic success in law school is you when you’re your own worst enemy. Always stay focused on the present and what you need to do for school, and reject the nagging “what if”-type questions that come up in your mind as finals near (what if I get bad grades?). Remember to focus on those things you can control, not those you can’t.
Finally, if you feel completely beaten down, like you don’t want to get out of bed or can’t face the world, then you might need more help than you are able to provide yourself. You might be depressed. If you are in that spiral, NOW is the time to seek counseling and other resources to ensure that your depression doesn’t drag you down.
Of course, all of this is easier said than done. But sometimes identifying the issue and being mindful of what’s happening is a good start. Good luck!
LawProfBlawg is an anonymous professor at a top 100 law school. You can see more of his musings here and on Twitter. Email him at [email protected].