Crime

Let's Talk About These Creepy Clowns

Don't dress like a clown.

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ClownAs the election grinds to a merciful conclusion, hurricanes buffet the coast, and the brigands with Kim Kardashian’s jewelry remain at large, it can feel sometimes as though 2016 has careened out of control. How can we salvage a year that saw the deaths of Ali and Bowie? There’s really only one solution: send in the clowns.

Don’t bother, they’re here.

Or at least everyone thinks they are. The Internets are burning up with creepy clown sightings across the country. As one might expect of this rotting shell of a nation, the whole phenomenon is blown wildly out of proportion. Penn State went completely bonkers with students combing the streets looking to hunt down scary clowns because if there’s anything Penn State’s good at, it’s keeping scary individuals out of kids’ parties.

That said, the whole hubbub has spawned a few copycats and that means we have to take a second to consider the legal consequences of creepy clowning.

Benson Varghese, from the Dallas-Fort Worth firm of Varghese Summersett PLLC, put together this terrific alert memo on the pressing pantomime-related legal issue of our times: creepy clowns. First, Varghese walks through criminal trespass and terroristic threats laws that could land some menacing Bozo in the pokey if they decided to get up to some mischief.

But then, why would any would-be clown worry about the law? This is Texas we’re talking about:

In 2007, Texas enacted the Castle Doctrine, commonly referred to as the “Stand Your Ground” law, as Texas Penal Code 9.32(c).

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Fantastic. This always ends well…

When it comes to trespasser clowns, the act of trespassing alone will not give rise to the lawful use of deadly force. However, there is a presumption that deadly force is immediately necessary when someone has unlawfully entered your property by using force. Deadly force may also be used against an intruder at night who you reasonably believe will imminently commit theft or criminal mischief. So, while deadly force is allowed in specific trespasser and immediate harm situations, always hold your fire when faced with words alone.

But it’s the silent clowns that are always the scariest!

Anyway, Varghese’s point is that Texas law requires something more — brandishing a weapon, entering property by force, etc. — than just threatening clown talk. This can’t be stressed enough because it’s not like the yahoos egged on by the campaign rhetoric surrounding the law understand this legal nuance. For the average citizen whose grasp of this law comes from state legislators preening for the local news, their operating premise is “this says I can shoot ’em if I feel threatened.”

Obviously it doesn’t go so far, but that’s some awfully difficult toothpaste to shove back in the tube. That’s why memos like Varghese’s have to stamp down the popular take. And if you’re one of those who doesn’t think there’s a culture of misperception about the extent of stand your ground laws, here’s an actual law enforcement officer advocating murder:

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In Denton, a police officer has found herself amidst a cloud of controversy for her response to the  @ClownParanoia “Clown Sightings” Twitter account. The Clown Sightings page posted a picture of a clown sitting on a public bench in an undisclosed urban area. Officer Latrice Pettaway reportedly posted on Facebook, “Please handle it. Pop a cap in the first clown you see. Someone needs to just hit one and the rest of these fools will learn.”

But please explain how random citizens, with helpful police advice that it’s fine to shoot people for looking creepy, are responsible enough to parse the predicates of a stand your ground defense.

Look, the lessons here are simple:

(1) Maybe don’t go as Raggedy Ann this Halloween;
(2) Don’t ominously threaten people holding a weapon… ever; and
(3) Try not to shoot someone just because you think you can, because you’re probably wrong.

With that, we look forward to seeing your legally themed Halloween costumes as we do every year. And while a clown riddled with bullet holes waving the Texas flag might be an appropriate entry, we’re going to go ahead and wildly discourage that entry.

Joe Patrice is an editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.

Photo via Getty Images

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