Justice

Trumpkin Law Professor Supports Putting Ankle Trackers On 'Suspected' Terrorists

The only benefit of the Trump era has been giving the scorpions among us a real chance to show their ass.

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(Photo by John Moore/Getty Images)

(Photo by John Moore/Getty Images)

Sometimes, I honestly can’t tell if Trump supporters don’t know what probable cause means, or if they honestly think that being vaguely brown and foreign-seeming is enough PC to justify anything. Sometimes I don’t know if they think it’s okay to treat people like dogs because they don’t acknowledge the humanity of people with a different skin color, or if it’s because they treat actual dogs even more poorly than different humans.

I guess their motivations don’t really matter. The scorpion stabs the frog because it is in his nature. The only benefit of the Donald Trump era has been in giving the scorpions among us a real chance to show their ass.

Enter George Washington Law Professor John Banzhaf. He’s been running around telling anybody who will listen that the Muslim Ban is constitutional. Now he’s got a new theory that may tide the bigots over until Neil Gorsuch arrives to justify everything his benefactor has been doing. From the Daily Mail:

The United States should follow Germany’s lead and tag refugees with suspected ties to terrorists with tracking devices while the courts consider President Donald Trump’s travel ban, says a law professor who believes the executive action is legal.

George Washington University’s John Banzhaf told the Washington Examiner that the GPS devices are ‘fully consistent’ with the code Trump is using to enact his travel restrictions.

‘It is also more likely to be upheld since it is far less objectionable than a total ban,’ Banzhaf said of the ankle bracelets.

You see why I’m exasperated, right? There is some world out there where law professors think slapping ankle bracelets on immigrants who have done nothing wrong will be okay because it’s “far less objectionable” than outright denying them entry. There are people who think “banning” someone on the basis of their religion might be extreme, but subjecting them to 24/7 surveillance based on their country of origin are just smart safety protocols.

Rocky IV was on this weekend. I caught the scene where Rocky goes to train in Russia, and he’s given Russian agents who are there to track his every move. Later, he triumphantly runs away from them and up a mountain, because F**K Russia. We used to be Rocky. Now we’re Drago’s henchmen.

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The key, as Banzhaf and other Muslim ban proponents like to skip over, is the “suspected” part. Banzhaf unleashes the full horror of this thought later in the article:

Banzhaf pointed out that the monitors are already in use within U.S. immigration agencies.

‘There have now been several major terrorist incidents in which authorities pointed out that they were suspicious of the perpetrator, but did not have sufficient information to arrest him, nor the vast resources necessary to provide effective surveillance of everyone under suspicion,’ he said.

The GPS systems are more efficient, he contended.

One agent can track ‘hundreds of suspects in real time, and provide computer generated alerts if he goes anywhere suspicious (e.g., near a nuclear power plant), meets with other persons likewise wearing ankle monitors.’

Yes, asshole, you can’t arrest people without proof, and you can’t generate that proof by spying on them without probable cause. You also can’t arrest people for going “near” soft targets, because motherf**kers should be allowed to get on the freaking subway. And arresting people for freely associating with other people, EVEN OTHER PEOPLE WEARING YOUR ORWELLIAN ANKLE MONITORS, would also violate our Constitution.

But that hardly matters. They’ve seen a frog they can stab, they give a s**t if they drown the Constitution in the process.

Law professor who backs Trump travel ban says U.S. should force refugees to wear GPS trackers until the courts decide [Daily Mail]

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Elie Mystal is an editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at elie@abovethelaw.com. He will resist.

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