Non-Sequiturs: 05.22.17

* Leon Lawson has been charged with first degree assault for punching an opponent after the bell in a boxing match. Oh, let me back up, Leon Lawson is not a boxer. [The Sun] * Jurors in the Betty Shelby acquittal explain why they were too hungry and tired to give justice to Terrence Crutcher. [News 9] * Notre Dame was not feeling Mike Pence at commencement. [Shareblue] * Donald Trump is "exhausted." This reminds me of every episode of Property Brothers where the couple agrees to help with the demolition, then realize that destroying a place is more tiring than it looks. [Salon] * New York's wrongful death laws are painfully out of date. [New York Personal Injury Law Blog] * Enes Kanter, is a basketball player who can't play defense, but he can stand up to Turkish strongman Recep Tayyip Erdoğan. Which means you can add "Enes Kanter" to the list of people who would be a better president than Donald Trump. [Deadspin] * I would not have slapped this white woman for calling me the n-word multiple times while I missed my bus stop. However, if I was Spider Man and he was running towards me after slapping this woman, I would not use my powers to stop him. Furthermore, if later I was standing over the body of my dead uncle and the man who slapped this white woman was his murderer and the cops came up to me and said "hey, we don't have enough evidence to charge this guy for killing your uncle, but we have him dead to rights for slapping that white woman on the bus if you are willing to testify," I would keep my mouth shut. [Daily Mail]

 (Photo by Theo Wargo/Getty Images)

(Photo by Theo Wargo/Getty Images)

* Leon Lawson has been charged with first degree assault for punching an opponent after the bell in a boxing match. Oh, let me back up, Leon Lawson is not a boxer. [The Sun]

* Jurors in the Betty Shelby acquittal explain why they were too hungry and tired to give justice to Terrence Crutcher. [News 9]

* Notre Dame was not feeling Mike Pence at commencement. [Shareblue]

* Donald Trump is “exhausted.” This reminds me of every episode of Property Brothers where the couple agrees to help with the demolition, then realize that destroying a place is more tiring than it looks. [Salon]

* New York’s wrongful death laws are painfully out of date. [New York Personal Injury Law Blog]

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* Enes Kanter, is a basketball player who can’t play defense, but he can stand up to Turkish strongman Recep Tayyip Erdoğan. Which means you can add “Enes Kanter” to the list of people who would be a better president than Donald Trump. [Deadspin]

* I would not have slapped this white woman for calling me the n-word multiple times while I missed my bus stop. However, if I was Spider Man and he was running towards me after slapping this woman, I would not use my powers to stop him. Furthermore, if later I was standing over the body of my dead uncle and the man who slapped this white woman was his murderer and the cops came up to me and said “hey, we don’t have enough evidence to charge this guy for killing your uncle, but we have him dead to rights for slapping that white woman on the bus if you are willing to testify,” I would keep my mouth shut. [Daily Mail]


Elie Mystal is an editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at elie@abovethelaw.com. He will resist.

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