Crime

Michael Cohen Recorded Trump Talking About Hush Money To Playboy Model

Not that this will matter to Trump supporters, but...

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(Photo by Yana Paskova/Getty Images)

If you don’t think Donald Trump ordered Michael Cohen to hush up women with whom Trump had affairs with, you are stupid. You are stupid and nobody can help you, and it would be better if you didn’t breed and pass on your stupid genes.

Thing is, most halfway-intelligent people understand that Trump ordered payments, and most of them who support Trump simply don’t care.

Therefore, this Michael Cohen news won’t change anybody’s mind. It’s just confirming something most Trump people and the entire Republican party have accepted and made their peace with. From the New York Times:

President Trump’s longtime lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, secretly recorded a conversation with Mr. Trump two months before the presidential election in which they discussed payments to a former Playboy model who said she had an affair with Mr. Trump, according to lawyers and others familiar with the recording.

Technically this counts as “news.” But really, this is all information we pretty much knew:

* We knew that Trump had a long-term affair with Playboy model, Karen McDougal.
* We knew she was paid off in one form or another.
* We knew Cohen handles Trump’s pay-offs.
* We knew Cohen made tapes.

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Given that this is old information, now with confirmation(!), Trump people are well prepared with their rationalizations. Take leading Trump spox Rudolph Rasputin Giuliani.

“Nothing in that conversation suggests that he had any knowledge of it in advance,” Mr. Giuliani said, adding that Mr. Trump had directed Mr. Cohen that if he were to make a payment related to the woman, write a check, rather than sending cash, so it could be properly documented.

“In the big scheme of things, it’s powerful exculpatory evidence,” Mr. Giuliani said.

I know it doesn’t matter because nothing matters anymore… but I just want to do the work here on the Giuliani statement.

This clause “Nothing in that conversation suggests that he had any knowledge of it in advance,” MAKES NO FREAKING EARTHLY SENSE when read against this clause: “adding that Mr. Trump had directed Mr. Cohen that if he were to make a payment related to the woman, write a check, rather than sending cash, so it could be properly documented.”

If he was telling his man to use a check, THEN HE HAD PRIOR KNOWLEDGE OF THE PAYMENT!

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I mean, come on, we’re all adults here. We know what’s going down.

Here, here’s a one-minute conversation I had with my wife about my mistress:

Me: “I need to buy something for the Oculus.”
Her: “Something?”
Me: “… Yeah.”
Her: “Christ. Use the Amex.”

WE KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON! Let’s not pretend to be ignorant.

Whatever. Giuliani can say whatever stupid thing he wants. It doesn’t matter because people don’t actually believe Trump or Giuliani. They just don’t care that he was making illegal payments to a Playboy model he had an affair with.

Michael Cohen Secretly Taped Trump Discussing Payment to Playboy Model [New York Times]

Elie Mystal is the Executive Editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at [email protected]. He will resist.

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